Just a witchy!!!

One of my highschool friend will be flying to Dubai tomorrow. They just phoned me today to attend the farewell party and host it na rin. My close friend Alma fetched me home. She was very tensed kasi nahihiya daw sya sa ibang mga highschool friends namin. I told her na okey lang yan oi. Hayaan mo na sila, let us enjoy na lang.
When we get there andami ng tao. Pinagkakaisahan ang blog kong Witchyboop. Nakksss! Me internet pala ang hinayupak na ito sa house nya. Bongga !!! Para silang ant na nagku-kurom sa living room.
I'm not naman taking it against them kasi nga ganun talaga kaming magkakaibigan. Nag-aasaran. Iniisip ko nga kung nag-blushed ba ako? Hmm parang di naman yata.
Then nung kami na lang dalawa, Alma told me that I could have posted more articles that fits me.
Yung Lovielly daw na fighter.
Yung malalim kausap.
Yung parating may sense.
Binatukan ko ng mahina si Alma at sabay sabing " Hoy bruha, mas malalim ako ngayun kesa noon kasi andami ko ng experience. Kaya nga ganyan ang litanya ng blog ko eh, light lang. Di ko na kailangang magpaimpress . Kiber sa kanila. Besides seryoso na kaayo ko sa ubang client arun museryos pa anang butanga nga kalingawan ra nako." I said firmly to her with rolling eyes.
She smiled at me.
"Hala, I just learned from you today friendship. Kaya siguro hindi ako at-ease sa lawschool. I'm always scared to the point na hindi ko na naeenjoy yung studies ko. Dapat sigurong maging light lang talaga." Alma added with a relief in her face.
"You know the greatest failure in life is when you try to please everyone." I said to her.
Maya- maya dumating na si Joana na galing pa sa kusina. Kami naman ni Alma ay nasa likod ng bahay nina Jeneth ( yung pupunta ng Dubai) para magpahangin. Ang init naman kasi sa loob.
"Tawag na tayo ni Joana. Mag ho-host na raw si Witchy." Bulong ni Alma sa akin sabay kindat.
"Loka." Ganti ko naman habang nakangiti. Sabay na kaming pumasok at nakipaglandian sa loob (hehehe)
And so the party begins.

Na-appreciate ko tuloy si Alma.
Nahiya sya for me.
Mahal nya pala ako.
Among my highschool friends, si Alma yung pinakafavorite ni Mommy. She treated her like a daughter. Ako naman, kaibigan lang. But come to think of it we remain good friends up to this moment. Ngayun ko lang talaga naisip at narealized na part pala sya ng life ko.
Ang drama ko ulit, sign of aging! hehehehe aguuyyy kapait.

Before sleeping I decided to post some of my rules in writing. I was actually inspired for helping Alma realized something today. I want to share some of my thoughts sa kanya.
This rules helps me a lot na maging happy.

1. I have faith not cynicism
2. I dare to dream
3. Take off my mind from my readers whoever they are but I expect them to be my friend at heart
4. I write for joy
5. Get the reader love witchy as she is and as they turn each page they will know that I'm just a girl
6. i FORGET politics here and let my real politics shine through
7. Forget my ego (?)
8. Always a beginner
9. Accepts change
10. I never think that my witchy mind needs altering
11. Never expect approval from exposing the truth
12. Use everything
13. Remembering my teacher in journalism that writing is dangerous if it's any good
14. Forget critics
    
15. Let sex (the body, the physical world) In!
16. Tell my truth, not the world's
17. Never forgets to be earth-bound
18. Remember to be wild

I will always be writing for the child in me. So actually , there are no rules in jotting down my feelings.
Just have fun and be your self.

Mama Mary of Lourdes cried

Featured in my Bestfriend's blog. Click for more details.
Right in front my eyes
I saw her cried a
blood
stained face and hands
becoming round like having an
Edema

I prayed
hard
never asked for anything
I just prayed
my heart warmed
may She touched more lives to change
Back to God

Like the Earth crying with melted ice
She cries with her blood
Reminding the world
to have God's heart
in everything we do

Our main purpose in Samal is to visit her. Miracles are everywhere. It's not only here. Though I must admit that this was my first time to witnessed her crying. I just used to see the same situations on TV. Iba pala if you have witnessed it in person.

GLOBAL WARMING

/Tagged by my good friend Lex/ We have to make it a big deal nowadays. It is a threat not only to human existence but to our homey earth. Ice Kingdoms of Greenland and polar caps in the arctic are melting endangering the millions of polar bear, whales and other animals that depend on the extremely cold temperatures ./ While my bestfriend visited me in Dacoville I discussed with her some of the techniques in photography. Suddenly Bien interrupted us and asked "Ninang Eves What is global warming?" Honestly that was the time when I think about it seriously. /

I M A G I N E life ending before our eyes. Having no control over it but knowing we can do something about it. The ice sheet's melting is a mystery but its effect is very clear to us. Just this night before my son goes to his bed he told me that he read it from a magazine of Papalolo that the Earth is crying. This is because of our constant negligence./ Now I'm joining this organization. I want to do something to save the world. / We will be planting trees this week !!!/

Global warming is a serious threat that the whole Planet earth is facing. It is no longer a myth but a fact that is becoming more and more evident each passing day. Have you noticed the unpredictable and sudden climate changes? Ho about the excessive heat that most part of the world is now experiencing? It is due to the accumulated greenhouse gases in the atmosphere, which is caused by wasted energy, CO2, coal, pollution, etc. Let’s act now, while we can before it’s too late!

Please Join the campaign and let our voices be heard!
I’m tagging everyone to Post this Message on Their Blogs. Please Pass it on!

I signed up to join the Stop Global Warming Virtual March and I encourage you to add your voice as well. Global warming is the most urgent issue of our time and since we are all contributors to global warming pollution we must all be part of the solution. Joining the Virtual March is a first step to joining the movement to demand solutions now.

You can join by visiting: http://www.stopglobalwarming.org/countmein.asp

StopGlobalWarming.org’s mission is to use the strength of numbers to urge our government to address global warming, and urge businesses to start a new industrial revolution of clean energy that reduces our dependence on oil and helps stop global warming.

Together we can make a difference.

I wanna catch the rainbow
Share with you its beauty
To cheer you up when your lonely
I wanna build you an ocean
and give it to you as your own
it will give you serenity
and all the peace you'll be finding

I thank you for giving time
For renewing our friendship
It reminds me the old times
When we still dream together
and trying to make it all come true.

I've been lost
concealed sometimes
kept in darkness
but having you as my best friend
lock my troubles
away

How to raise a reader

I want my child to love reading because it is basic in learning plus a great contribution to the intelligence of a child. It is not actually a chore. They must have fun in reading.
I do love reading.
My child grows up seeing me and his dad read a lot. Talks about authors in our spare time and also as he becoming more mature, he observes that most of my close-friends are also into reading.
That maybe became one of the contributing factor why he is into reading a lot.
Until now we have reading aloud moments and we truly enjoy that kind of bonding.
In his school, when asked by Teacher Jo to tell a story about their most beautiful memories!~ Bien daw shared his Reading-aloud moment with mom as his most enjoyable memories especially if the book is interesting and interestingly read. He also told his classmate that his mom would changed her voice tone, hums and would also create a sound effects to stimulate his imagination.

Reading to Bien is done as often as I could, making it as a part of my routine as he grows up even when I was still working an eight-hour work in DENR before.
Today, I was lucky to be working at-home as environmental writer here in GenSan and have the time to spend with Bien more. I would just spend an hour or three meeting to know the needs of my clients, work with the report for 3 months, defend it in a Protected Area Board Management here and have their operational permit approved for them. I would still see my son every hour, check his details and improvements and most of all be with him and have fun.
I was able to make reading as a part of his daily routine such as after taking a bath, before naps and at bed time. I would also sit next to him and put him in my lap while reading our favorite stories over and over again. Familiarity breeds reading. Also, I entertain all his questions, review my science and geography subjects ( buti na lang me net) because I don't want to give him wrong answers. In cases where I don't really have any answer to his questions, I will honestly tell him and together we will search the internet to clear the confusions and right away kahit I'm still doing something, iiwanan ko na at sabay na kaming magre-research.
My closeness with him involves a lot of personal touch, I guess this would reinforce that reading is pleasurable.

In my case, I would sometimes come to a point when I would have to choose between reading and sleeping. Ang katakot lang, pag naubos na basa I would have the craving of buying books again. You could imagine how much would I spend.

So what would parents can do to raise a reader?
1. Setting by example. When they see you read will make them realized that reading is
worthwhile;
2. Exposing them to Bookstores
3. Read posters everywhere when the kids are with you
4. Use picture books
5. Talk to the kids and listens to them
6. Talks about books
7. Giving them books and reading treats
8.Let your child reads to you
9. Avoid TV and computer games
10. Maintain a happy relationship with the kids

I never fail to praised Bien for his reading accomplishment. Punishment is not even my choice in disciplining him for slow reading and mistakes. I cheer him up and recognize even the smallest thing he do.

I'm confident in everything because I am not scared to commit mistakes. Who is perfect by the way?
Got this tag from my very good friend Jei.

You Are Confident Sexy

You're one sexy chica, and you know it. You've got the confidence to strut your stuff... And approach any man who happens to catch your eye. You may make a guys run away, but the true men will appreciate your moxie.

What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You?

Now I'm tagging every girls in my link.
Happy Monday!

You are a person

You are a person

Be proud

Because you are a child

Then you are a person

When you grow up to become a man

You will still be a person

Each one of us is a person

We have body

Skin to feel

Ears to hear

nose to smell

mouth to taste

To stay alive

we must move our body and have a rest too

we must eat and drink as well

and breathe the air

eliminate our waste

giggles

farts

hiccups

No need to be embarrassed about doing things when we have to

A person does them

To keep us comfortable

Then lets be proud of our body

Sometimes we are unhappy

Angry

Mad

Guilty

Grief

Lonely

Feelin dumb

Humiliated

Rejected

Frightened

Anxious

Frustrated

Defeated

But every person feels it.

We are a person with feelings

Every person sometimes has accidents

Oppssss…spill things

Sniff

Broke it

Bump in to things

Trip over something

So everyone tries to be careful

Even so

Every person has accidents

Sometimes we make wrong choices

Like wrong foods to eat

Dress to wear

People to be with

Wrong things to do

But we learn to think carefully before making another choice

Sometimes we make mistakes

While solving math

Answering exams

Doing things

Playing games

Singing

Dancing

Reading

But we don’t need to feel embarrassed

It is all right

We are a person

But when we commit the same mistakes

And feel sorry about it

And commit it again

And feel sorry about it again

Its not all right

Habitual mistakes is not for person

When you’re a parent

Who forgets to amplify the chatter of your child

Failed to teach them what is right from wrong

Not proud to wear their name

Abortive in giving their needs

Then

How can you say

You a person?

PrAyInG OuTLoUd

GOD I'M SUCH A SINNER. I NEED YOU TO BE WITH ME. SAVE ME. SAVE ME. I FEEL SO GUILTY FOR DROPPING A FRIEND. GUARD MY HEART. HELP ME CLEAN IT. HELP ME LIVE ACCORDING TO YOUR PLANS. THANK YOU FOR THE ETERNAL LIFE YOU GIVE US. AMEN.

DRESSCODE

I have no problem in dressing up. Be it formal, casual, smart casual, hawaiian, filipiniana, black tie or etc. But I'd prefer wearing the international costume that will cover every race in the whole world. DRESS with love for others.

Enthusiasm

Nowadays I dont have a good perspective and attitude. I was off and always in a bad mood but I have to keep it. Ewyuuu...sometimes, it is a terrible responsibility to be a human barometer. I can not just expressed how I feel fearing that my child could see me in my bad days. This will surely affect him. I dont want Bien's behavior to mirror mine.
This afternoon I bought some food in a wet market with Bien in Toril. The money in my pocket is only enough for our needs. I forgot to bring an extra money for Bien's jollibee yummy mania. He ended up eating in a small and clean bakeshop. Inside only one chair is available. It means Bien would be sharing his chair with me. Not that I mind it but a certain boy of his age offered him his chair. In his usual reaction Bien would open his mouth and his eyes widely as if na-shock gyud sya'g maayo to what is happening around him. Then he covered his mouth with his right hand turns to me and whispers " Mom the kid is soo nicee...." I smiled at him. The prettiest smile a mom could ever give to his child. Bien approached the child. "Mabait kang bata ahh.... from now on pare na kita. I am Bien. Yours?"
"Junjun" the boy replied smiling timidly.
His Dad looks at me this time sharing a sit with the boy then he smiled to me sweetly (hehehee jowwkkk lang. Makipag flirt ba? )
It is in this moment when I see my son sharing good deeds hat I feel energized. I go home with a renewed sense of purpose and joy. Joining Bien in his enthusiasm.
It is a miracle that I feel better now.
He had the power to change my behavior all along. He brightens up my outlook. Tama nga si Ralph Waldo Emerson when he wrote these words: Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. It hits me today. Really hits me.

Oo nga makasalanan din ako. Masyado yata akong nagmagaling para i-condemn ka Nancy. Pasensya na sa mga masasakit na salitang nabitawan ko. I have no right at all pero nasaktan kita. I am now trying to understand you.
Napakaimpulsive kong tao. Kaya yan tuloy .... I'm tearing you to pieces.
Be happy Nance.... me reason naman talaga lahat.
In time, maiintindihan ko rin.

Can't help this feeling

My officemate before emailed me something . She said that in times when I feel like hating someone I must pray to borrow God’s heart so that I could easily forget the grudges I have against Nancy.
Darn… she’s right.
It is comical to think that this woman who teared my heart once upon a time became my emotional comforter today. Through her I learned to accept failures although it was so painful. Naging matured yata ako dahil sa kanya. I learned to pause, plan things out and control my emotions then fight back when the timing is right. Siya 'yung taong dumating sa life ko who teaches me to become sensitive sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Even if she was rude, she became part of me na ayokong kalimutan.

This is the time in my life where I could really say that I am surrounded with wonderful people who are ready to be there to uplift me anytime I needed it. Enough to be thankful.

To you woman who spend time emailing me your thoughts...thank you for reminding me of God's love.

Time will heal our wounds.
Pero share ko lang na kami ni Nancy as for the moment malabo munang maging friends ulit. Sabi nga ni Bes Evelyn nagwa-wander pa ang soul ni Nancy. Siguro she is only trying to find her own happiness na hindi nya nakikita sa kanyang dalawang anak, sa asawang iniwan at sa lalaking kinasama ng kung ilang taon na tingin ko naman ay minahal siyang talaga para lang dito sa bagong apple of her eyes. I could see how happy she is ngayun though that happiness saddened me. Si $$ pala ang bagong guy. Galing sa bansang banyaga na iba ang kultura at pag-uugali kumpara sa atin. Hayyy naku… para ngang sinaksak ang puso ko when I knew that Nancy is very much willing to be the mother of $$’s children na alam ko naming hindi nya ginawa sa kanyang sariling dugo at laman. Ewan ... she just lost her credibility to me. As in zerong-zero na.

I was thinking kasi na kung iniwan nya na lang ang dalawa nyang anak na puro babae sa tumatanda na niyang ina how can she dare herself na maging ina ng mga anak ng bago nyang pag-ibig?
Kaloka!!!! (Nangingi-alam ako. ..)
Masyado akong apektado sa buhay nya because I treated her like a sister. It pains me realizing how selfish she is. iT PaIns me that is why I am dropping her out of my life.
Hindi naman ako inggit haa pero nalunggkot lang ako kasi me mali. Andaming mali, andaming nasaktan para lang sa punyetang happiness na ‘yan.

I dont wanna comfort you kasi nga baka isipin mo na kahit mali yang ginagawa mo we will still be there for you. Habitual na yan Nancy. It is no longer funny. Me nasasaktan ka ng tao~ pamilya, kaibigan at ang mga anak mo para lang sundin ang kung ano ang gusto mong gawin. Pangatlong ulit na ito ang pagkakaiba lang--- ay yung mga taong involved.

I wanna tell you this na hindi ko nasabi sayo before ka umixet.
Isasampal ko lang sa iyo…
NAPAKASELFISH mong tao.
Stop claiming that your weak because you are not. At eto paaa… mukha kang pera…. patawarin mo ako perooo you need to know this baka lang kasi wala pang me nagsabi sayo nito…
Mukha kang pera.

Alam mo bang masarap hawakan ang perang pinaghirapan mo kumpara dun sa perang binibigay lang sa iyo? Huwag mo sanang hayaang paikutin ka lang ng pera na kanung yan.

There’s a chance to be good again Nancy.

Go home and take care of your two daughters. They are growing up and you are missing each moment. Listen to your kids today so that someday they will come back and listen to you.
This will be my last advice as your good friend.
I hope you will take time to ponder before its too late.

And I just want to confirm na OO galit kami sayo...kaming lahat...ako, si Eves, at si Gladys.

I'm still in Davao taking my vacation with Bien and Tweety Dad.
I miss all my friends here....~~~~sobss~~~
I took a moment today blogging my feelings.
Miss na miss ko na kayong lahat.
When I come back home
I promised to visit all your sites.
Take care ..take caree....

My asthma friend is now visiting me.
Maybe because I got tired today or I am just excited for my son's graduation tomorrow.
Hahaha Over!!! But honestly I couldn't move much.
Its hard to breath. Just trying to 'catch my air slowly so that I won't be able to feel much pain in my chest.
Got to sleep now...

Welcome home Lex...

I closed my eyes today
Feeling the morning
Shining here beside me

Beside the window of my room
I can see the tree that I've used to climb
when I was younger
Filled of birds
Chirping
Playing
Dancing

It filled my heart with peace
I am home
I feel so belonged

Lord Jesus thank you
for giving me love
and for the chance
of living everyday

Thank you...thank you..thank youu

There is always more to discover. Man can learn, relearn or unlearn the point of everything.
But you see I started blogging just to express my emotions, record it and later in my life have it for my children to read.
I'm always satisfied with my self. I just don't compare for everybody is different.
There was once I lost my confidence but I gained it back.
That dark moment I discover something.
I learned to be humble.
I learned to easily accept things as they are
and most importantly
I learned to care for the feelings of other human.

My work as a government employee for almost 6 years made me a better person both in personal and professional matter. I must admit that I almost felt hell everyday working with questionable personalities. Not all of course. There are some whom I've learn to love.
But I am actually referring to those who did everything even hurting someone's reputation just to get what they wanted~~~ Wicked persona!
It is hard to grow and to become successful in that office.
I go back to school and studied more while almost everybody were trying to grab each other's crown to own the glory.

Finally I was ready to give -up the job. Ready to work alone and for some personal reasons I resigned. In my heart I truly believed that that was only the beginning of my luck. That job was not a LOSS to me. I gained more instead. Fifty times better!!!

I couldn't believed at first but this is the work that I have been dreaming of.
Working on my time.
Paid well enough.
Confidence boasting for you are able to realized that this job needs someone stronger
someone wittier ~~~ ahahha ako yata 'yun.... yekkeeekkekekk~~~.
I learned to appreciate life even more.
Its good to live.
Life is wonderful.
It is now easy for me to share my happiness.
In this stage I met my husband's bestfriend Jayvee....
Well we've known each other since the day Ervien became my boyfriend but she's not really that good to me~~ hehehehe~~.
Civil I may say yes...
but nice?
Hummm...asked her.
I understand that she has mistaken me to be someone hard to deal with.
That is not new anyway.
I keep my silence.
Until she married my good friend Jeph.
It was me who became one of their bearer.
The friendship started.
But not as good as our friendship today.
In my heart, I have always like her.
I always have a spot for intelligent people.
I don't know but they are my weakness.

I've seen her suffering in her office.
Emotionally.
I've felt her soul being imprisoned.
Her urged to fly somewhere is getting stronger
but she's too weak to express it.
You can only see it in her eyes.

I feel her.
So when I was here already in GenSan.
Having my life fixed.
In fact enjoying it.
I tried reaching out to her.
We became now good friends.
She reads a lot.
We shared our books.
Our difference is I am vain and she is perfectionist.
but goshhh.... she keeps her things tidily.
She is a very well organized person.
I love being messy, unique, and hard to follow.
She is tame. She can control her anger. She can even keep her ideas even if its damn so good.
all those qualities are not synonymous to me.
Our likes are the same. Almost.
We've learn loving each other because of that.

This year, I have seen her growing emotionally.
She is stronger.
Yun naman talaga sya eh....
And truly a talented woman.
Sexy inside and out.
Most appealing when she laughs and smile.
She can make a hundred kinds of laughter.
She can do a million kinds of facial expression when angry.
To me those mannerisms are cute.
Tatak Jayvee Jude lang talaga.
The only thing I dont like in her is that she loves to continually inordinate her anxieties.
It is lesser now.
Jei is beginning to feel happy inside.
She's morethan a talent than to deal with negative matter in her surrounding.

Now I continually learn to be friendly.
I gained more personal friends
and gaining more real friends in the net.
Jei and I realized that it is not impossible to meet nice friends in here.

We are so lucky to have Lex as a part of our life.
We thank you for coming in the right time. This is the time when we most needed true friends like you.

It is also funny to be missing them everyday.
Watching and reading those blogs you like most.
Leaving comments and trying to connect with them.
Knowing their insights and thoughts
Letting them recognized you as who you are.

This is freedom.
My wind is taking me to their world.

A child was found in the dark forest alone.
The child was abandoned for dead by his mom and dad.
He did not die in the forest. He survived, not as a child, even though he was physically a human being, he was acting like an animal. He walk on all fours, made his home in a hole in the ground, he dont know any language except for an animal cry, knew no close relationship, cared about no one or no thing except for survival.

The man that was raised like animal will behave like one, for a man “learns” to be human.

Just as a man learns to be a human being, so he learns to feel like human, to love as a human.

In countless studies love is a learned response, a learned emotion.

How a man learns to love seems to be directly related to his ability to learn.

Most of us continue to behave as though love is not learned but lies dormant in human being. We simply wait for some mystical awareness to emerge in full bloom. Many wait for this age forever.

In discussing love, it would be well to consider the following:

One can not give what he does not possess;
To give love , you must posses love

One can not teach what he does not understand
To teach love, you must comprehend love

One can not know how he does not study
To study love, he must live in love

One can not appreciate what he does not recognize
To recognize love you must be receptive to love

One can not admit what he does not yield too
To yield to love you must be vulnerable to love

One cannot live what he does not dedicate to himself. To dedicate your self to love
you must be forever growing in love

Not that I'm feeling like "I know everything about love" here but I'm just telling you my thoughts about loving. The way we love today is the way we are being molded when we are still growing.

When we were newly born we know nothing about love. We are totally ignorant, dependent and vulnerable. If left alone, uncared most likely we will die.
Or if somebody takes care the people surrounding our world will teach us how to love.
If we cries out when hungry,in pain or in discomfort someone will respond, ease our pain, feed our hunger take away our discomfort and that would be our first human attachment. But that's not love were looking for... no matter we still don't know it. But when we grow we will be looking for love. If not found in our family we will be looking for it somewhere or to someone.
As we grow so is our world and so do our attachments.
If the love we have learned is limited then our love is immature, confused,possessive destructive,exclusive and to say the least disrupted.

I can recall the confusion of my friend when she broke-up with her husband took away her two young daughters brought the children home to her mom. Gets out the world again and finally she found someone that completes her. She told me that she is happy. I could see it in her. They lived together leaving her two daughters in her mom, rarely visiting them. The kids grows up with out her in their side. And she can still afford to tell me that She Is HApPy for she have finally found love.

The man loves her. I have no doubt about it for he had taken care of my friend so much. He gives her everything. The man also suffered for love. He grows up with out his father. He told me that he didn't know how it is to have a happy family. He just survived soliciting love from his relatives. He told me that maybe that is why his first marriage was not a success. He don't know how to handle a family. He just know how to love. I was even confused with his statement. Is it really hard to keep the family intact when you're broken while growing up? He was in pain
until she found my friend. His world brightens. And so is my friend. This time I have seen how they love and supported each other. That love was completed by the two of them alone. Her kids was never been a part of them and yet they are happy as lovers.

Recently they broke-up. She was no longer happy with him. She had found another happiness. This time she met the man from this blogworld. The third man in her life has children. The wife was already dead. But they have found love. She was no longer happy with his live-in partner who once completed her and who became our friend also.
She was having a relationship through the net while his live-in partner is busy working to earn for their living.
It is so easy for her to let go of this man. With out any valid reasons. She even told me that she pitied for this guy. He had been so good to her all the time when they were together. And I could say yes. He has been so good to you. He had given you everything....everything kahit di na niya Kaya.

Bakittt para kang hayop magmahal?
Why you can't consider other people's feelings?
Your daughters.
Your old mom who was living alone. You're dad already past-away.
Your Reycomambo who did nothing but pleased and loved you.

She is my friend but I am not blaming her family why she had grown like that.
She was the Irony of my story.
She grows up with love
and yet she's acting like an animal.
Satisfying only her needs.
She was not able to relate her comfort to a human role as a mother, wife, lover and as a friend.
It is not love she needs for his new found man from the net.
One-sided.
It is only an attachment that will lead to the complicated, multi-faceted phenomenon, love.

She is no longer with her live-in partner. They broke-up. That easy....
Nahirapan ang lalaki syempre. Nagalit. Naawa nga ako.

Her new-found love financially supports her though he is still somewhere abroad.
She is now living somewhere. New love nest in her new love. The guy being left is still broken. and yet she is happy.]
She is satisfied.
What struck me was her reactions to be a willing mom for her new boyfriend's children.
She was never been a good mother to her own flesh and blood.
How can it be?

In this case I do not believed that one falls out or in love. She possess no more love to "fall into" or "out of" than what she has and acts out at any precise moment in her life. It seems accurate to say one grows in love. The more she learns, the more her opportunities to change her behavioral responses and then can expand her ability to love. We can constantly growing in love, or dying.

Sa tingin ko lang sa kanya, mahal nya lang ang tao kapag nasasatisfy ang wants nya. "langhiya sa madaling salita napakaselfish nyang tao... yun lang yun.

I'm not perfect and I hope to be able to forgive my self for being less than perfect.

Sorry for publishing my feelings.... I am not yet finished.
I need this blog to unleashed my emotions.
This is I think my therapy of not hating her.

Well, It only proves that to live in love is life's greatest challenge.
Haysss...
heyt this. heavy...
( I already left this one in my draft space but I decided to once again published this. Your hit with my words because we both know the truth. What etiquette are your saying? Flashback... that's all I can say. Truth really hurts but at least I'm happy to know that your giving thoughts for your kids right now. Keep it up!)

It's now midnight and I'm doing my overtime work for my new project to be submitted tomorrow morning. As I said I always do this stuff... you know writing during the deadline.
LAVETT.
Kaya lang ang bad thing naman doon ay 'yung di ako pwedeng kausapin.... geeezzzz.... that set-up won't work to Bien so ako na lang din ang mag-aadjust. I work when he is already sleeping. Katulad ngayon.
Yesterday I've written bad things addressed to one of my finest friend kaya lang I decided not to published it kasi nga baka maka-hurt pa ako ng feelings. Lalo pang lumala kaya huwag na lang. Hayun, nasa draft na lang sya. SPEAKKK WORDS OF KINDNESSS.... washaaa washaaaaa~~~ I will truly tryyy~~~
but... but...
I feel better na rin because I already out-poured it.

My happy moment today was when my father bought me a DVD entitled "Across the Universe" na napag-alaman kong new favorite movie ni Bianca Gonzales.

We just talked about it the other day kasi. I told him that I was curious to see that movie kaya lang when I tried looking for it as in almost the whole day ay wala talaga akong nakita. I love GenSan haa pero materially may mga kulang talaga dito sa market. But as in but there will be no place like GenSan~~~ kahit pa yata nasa New Zealand na kami I will never trade this place eVer!
~Back to Papa~
I don't know how and where did he get it but I really appreciate his effort. Once again despite of my kababawan na struggle with this friend, I feel loved. It matters.
Yeppeee PaPa you always save my day!!!

Transparent akong tao, once I'm hurting you will see it right away. At ang alam ko rin sweet ako kahit pa sa friend lang. I always make her feel special kasi ganun naman talaga sila sa heart ko. Kaya yang mga excuses na distance, busy at kung ano ano pa will really not work for me. I gave effort to reach out but I was taken for granted. As in I traveled for almost 4 hours para lang makarating sa usapan pero biglang naging invinsible lahat. Kaya masama ang loob ko. Kasi feeling ko lang naman haa... I don't deserved it. Anyways me mga reasons naman talaga lahat ng bagay. I am sure valid yun. Perooo JUDY ANN SANTOS I was really taken for granted.

~~whipping~~~
hehehehe I am honestly fine now.
Di man nila alam how I truly feel the other dayss, binabawi ko na... friends na tayo uli....
Syensya na... baliw yata ako ngayun, huh!?

By the way I'm not yet finished reading the Kite runner book~~~ pero I'm reallyy reallyyy inlove, ang lalim, ang ganda at nakaka-mature. Yun bang tipong you will try to think if one time in your life you have betrayed a friend para lang mahalin at tanggapin ka ng ama mo. Tapos after the betrayal you will realized na mahal ka pala ng ama mo kahit sino at ano ka pa kaya lang hindi mo nakita noon kasi bulag ka sa paniniwala na ang dream son ng papa mo ay yung kaibigan mo na di na niya itinuring na iba sa kanya. Sa kagustuhan mong angkinin lahat ng pagmamahal ng iyung ama ay isinakripisyo mo ang pagiging loyal na friend nya at ang tunay na pagmamahal nya sa iyo bilang tao. Na meron pa syang isinakripisyong dangal para lang mapatunayan na mahaL ka nga nya bilang kaibigan o yung love na mas higit pa sa pagmamahal nya sa kanyang sarili. And the worse thing there was you are aware of that big love offered for you. You never appreciate that love.
Nasa turning point na ako ngayun. Andito na sa chapter na hindi na SILA bata. Me sariling buhay na sya malayo dun sa taong sinaktan nya. But the guilt feelings was always there. He is still trying to have courage to face his past. To be good again. Will he do that? My god I dont know.... I'm excited. Ilang beses kaya ako napaiyak dito. Kainis... ~~huhuhu~~

Teach me your mood

Teach me to smile after you heart is beaten

Teach me to understand things while my mind is cloudy

Teach me your mood

Ten Things I recently love

This tag came from my first blogger friend here Twerlyn. I missed her wedding. Sayang talaga I was a bit busy at that time. Though every thing for her ended well. She is happily married and she’s carrying the baby of the man she truly love. Wow talaga… LOVE could really make this world perfect!!!

TeN ThInGs I ReCentLy LoVe

1. I love sharing secrets with my closed friends Jayvee and Alma;

2. I love discussing movie reviews, book insights and life’s trial with Jayvee;

3. I love reading the blogs of Moon, Lex, Jei, Eves, Kookie and Bianca. They are actually my favorite blogs. The friendship of Lex and Moonlae are one of the best thing happened to me.

4. I love being honest to my self. Expressing it in the nicest way I can. Avoiding to hurt their feelings. It is just sad because I am realizing to end my relationship with them. It’s useless. I’ve never been a bad friend ngayon lang talaga…. ngayon lang…

5. I love visiting the house of Twerlyn and Lira. They are actually one of the nicest people I have met. I am always grateful for their effort to reach out and the friendship is a real blessing.

6. I always love reading but for now I am hooked with this Kite Runner book authored by Khaled Hosseinni and now I am planning to buy another book from him entitled A thousand splendid suns.

7. I love playing with Bien and my other nephews and nieces

8. I love my hair now morethan ever

9. I love listening to the songs of some dead singers. I feel their soul.

10.I love british films.

It's true...
You may lose one
but you will gain more
(or maybe the one I lost is not really my friend at all
so I just let go)

Joan PLaza

Years na rin that we don't see each other.
Isa s'yang desente at matalinong dalaga na ninang ni Bien.
I am excited to have here now in the blogworld.
Kakaiba rin kasi ang talent ng personal na kaibigan kong ito.

Like my besfren Eves, I am very proud and excited to have a link with her.
Higit sa lahat isang di mapigilang damdamin ang nagtulak sa akin na i-post talaga sya.
I believed in her talents ~~~ 100 percent pwedeng i-multiply pa yan ng 10 times_ peksman!
Sabi nga ng isang kaibigan naming si joel e. na nagtatago sa pangalang Joaquin bordado (hehe) ~~ s'ya ay isang matalinong babae. Mabilis daw kumilos ang kanyang mga mata. Observer yata yun sa wikang banyaga. Actually natawa ako the way he brought out his comment in her. I just found this girl kasi na ordinary lang nung panahong nasa eskwela pa kami. Pero jyusko when Joel told me about his remarks ke Joan I started observing her. Di ko pa nga nasabi ang paghanga ko sa kakayahan nya pwere sa ugali ha? Jowwwkkk...mabait yan...tahimik na matalino na seXy (two piece kaya ang drama nyan sa Boracay years ago~~ hehehehh nambisto pa ako~~ peace~). Tama si Joel, that I could really say.

So before ako magbabakasyun together with my family sa Marbel South Cotabato....
let me share to you her URL. CliCk Joan

Lira's Tag

In times when most needed....
Thank you girl.... you are so kind.

Catching the falling leaves

When leaves are falling... some still find happiness in catching it
While Bien was waiting for his other classmates to start their practice
in the Kinder 2 graduation (there at the school's playground) he was mesmerized on the leaves that were falling.
When asked, I just told him that its their time to fall. The purpose was served and this is now the time for the new leaves to make food for its tree. He was looking into my eyes intently. Maybe trying to understand my words. Then he ran to the ground and started catching the falling leaves.
He was grinning once it touches him.
How I love the view.
Kids would really appreciate even the most ordinary things in this world.
It reminds me of my post last year about telling everyone that sometimes we need to think like a child.

For my bestfriend

I swear I love you and everytime it grows.
I understand that you are busy fixing your future.
Knowing you're just there and
reading your post everyday
is honestly enough
at least we still have connections

I've seen you grow, I've been there too in your happiest and loneliest times
You never forget to make me part of you
even if we are miles away
You are a perfect bestfriend
and I will never exchange you for anyone or anything

It is not you I'm referring Bes
You've never hurt me
Not once.

If only you can dig my heart
You will see that you are there
in a VERY SPECIAL SPOT

QuiTe MoNdaY

Mama Vicky and Tita Shane~!~ together with Tweety dad and Bien

Reflection

It is me who created my image. No one else.
For a moment I rely on my new friend Moonlae to validate my self.
I am glad that my confusions was not threatened at all.
I became hurt and resentful. Actually feeling neglected.
Or maybe a result of psycholigical hurts.
But it does not mean that I envied my friend whose happy now.
Siguro sumama lang ang loob sa ibang aspeto. Personal reasons ang hirap i-explain dito.

I searched the net and found the song suggested by Moonlae.
Reflection by Christina A.
I'd listen seriously.

Di naman pala ako selfish.
I will never be.

(Here's something for me)

Who am I?

Constantly changing.
Undergoing renovation
Or reconstruction
Would only be hurt
by people I respect
and the hurt motivates me
to remove or change certain feature
Flaws and faults
must be repaired
I am complete
The sense of emptiness
is only cause by anxiety
That incompleteness
will not rule me.

Mandy Moore in Manila

I can not help to smile while watching her interviewed on TV.
I always like her.
Everything in her.

ThE bIg i

This one is from my good friend Lira.
You know she is always friendly and sweet.
I'm so glad to have found someone like her .
Here's the tag! My completion...
~~drum beats~~~
Tarang!!!

• I AM… a seductive good witch
  
• I WANT... to be remembered as a good person
  
• I HAVE… loads of diaries. My life is documented since I was 9 years old. I could really look back literally in my past
  
• I WISH…to be with my mom and dad all the time
• I HATE…talking to pretentious people
  
• I FEAR… dogs
• I SEARCH…for a better place to live in
  
• I WONDER…why some filipino are squatters in our own country.
  
• I REGRET…to think why most of our farmers are poor?
  
• I LOVE… my self (because I can not give love when I don't have it)
  
• I ALWAYS…read good books, write my diary, take photos, edit videos and most of all read blogs that keeps my day happy.
  
• I AM NOT…patient but I keep my sanity intact
  
• I DANCE…in the community where I work, I dance during special affairs in my son's school and I dance every morning when I wakes up
  
• I SING…sheyyyttttt... I don't really sing. Whenever I would try, my tonsil will pop out.
  
• I CRY… when I watch sad movies...and I would really cry out...
  
• I WRITE…it is part of my life. there is no born writer~~~ every body has the right to write.
  
• I WON…good friends everywhere I go
  
• I AM CONFUSED…with the way our country goes...
  
• I NEED…to go to gym at least once a week
  
• I SHOULD…stay healthy and curvy..hehehehe
  

THE LAST THOUGHT YOU GO TO SLEEP WITH IS…(like Lira ) prayers as well.. for the people I love and for this country.

Now I'm tagging Alexis, Moonlae and Jeon

In kidapawan river

Right after the graduation (in his second course) of my tweety dad
he brought us in Kidapawan River. The water is clean and you can still see fishes enjoying their habitat. My son even even explained to me the definition of a river. That according to him the river is a natural large stream and its water flows continuously to the sea. It's kinda refreshing to watch him discussing with us his learnings from school. Kids nowadays are different. They would really discussed to you and even challenge your way of thinking. I was with my other family. My husband's sister, mom and brother. Sure we have fun and even enjoyed the company of each other. .

Advance happy birthday

Remember when we thought we will never survive and even the single thing becomes rough?
It's funny dad...
when now I was just thinking of the first time
when you made me feel like wanting the whole world to be singing and dancing in my eyes
when my heart was shouting that I've finally find someone.

I have not said my gratitude and respect for you
I'd like to thank you for needing me during those times
when I feel like I couldn't do more.

Something will never change
All our good times
and the not so bad will just be there to keep us inspired

It is good to love
than making love

Advansey Happee Beerterree..

Good thing

Bien's final examination will be on Monday.
It covers seven (7) subjects and the pointers for the test include everything from cover to cover. I just finished talking to my Chinese client about the company's demand to finished the Initial Environmental Examination Report (IEE) and have it submitted on monday when I was informed about the exam. Really, I am cramming. I can not afford to take my son's finals for granted. The competition in their class is toughed. So I told him to study very well even with out me torturing tutoring him. He told me that he is fine and ready when I asked him if he is a little scared in the finals.
" I won't die Mom if I can not make it but I will make it."
I was stoned.
Teka.....me' laman ata 'tong reaction ni Bien... Hmmm... that's another story. I need to reflect on this thoroughly.

The good thing is I do better when pressured.
While I am currently working on here, Bien is also studying on the other side.
We are not talking.
He was just reading his books and putting some highlights using the yellow highlighter pen and post-it. At an early age, they were trained (in school) memorizing and comprehending the subjects on their own.
It is cool to realized that we are doing our own stuff seriously. Oh-uh I think he is more serious than me. Anyways~~~ I won't be sleeping this night to cope with my deadline.

Kite Runner

I am trying to find this book here in GenSan today.
I couldn't find one.
Last week when I was in Davao I've seen it in the bookstore pero I just ignored it.
The synopsis of the story is quite nice.
Me movie na nga pala.
Infact during the showing of My BFGF last month I saw it posted in one of the cinema here.
I have this gut feelin' that I would truly enjoy this one.
Next week I will surely have this book.
PROMISE.

Ang 'tweet ni Dad

We were riding a bus going to Davao when Dadi Ervs asked me thru text as to what time could we (with Bien) be there. Our meeting place is in SM National Bookstore. And I just sent him back my text that goes like this: ~~~heart beats~~~.
Actually nasa Matina na kami.... minutes na lang to be there in SM.
Then the bus stopped na. Obviously pababa na kmi ng SM.
We were so excited to surprise him.
We haven't seen each other for months na rin though we always communicate in the net and phone.
You know as I was stepping down the bus, it was honestly me who got surprised.
Andun si Dad nakaabang na sa amin.
~~~I was giggling~~~
You could imagine my smile. I was actually grinning and Bien was already shouting that "Dad is here!!!"
It was a simple gesture but I appreciate it a lot.
Ang sweet talaga.
Our weekend dad is with us now.
We don't live and sleep together everyday because he was working in Davao and I'm having my workloads in Gensan.
I could see how he was trying to give his best for us.
All his sacrifices waking up with out me and BS in his side isn't that easy.
We have talked and decided about this already. All settled~~...
All for our future.
In a years time (With God's help) I prayed so intently na sana katulad ng dati magkakasama-sama uli kami.

It was funny to realized that when we live together before nag-aaway kami parati.
We love each other but we fight almost everyday. Nakakasawa. Nakakapagod.

Dumating yung time na parang we don't wanna go on in this relationship.
Basta ang haba ng pangyayari. Until Bread of life (it is a born again Christian church) became part of our life. There we realized our differences.
I slowly understand him and love him more despite of....
It was also me who needs a lot of space.
'Andami ko palang demands.
I want him to be the man of my dreams.
The man in the love-stories I have read.
The man I have created in my mind.
Bad..... si Ervien s'ya hindi si Adonis ng imagination ko.

Now As I was looking at him.
I could see how much he loves me.
How I made him smile even in a little things I do.
Kami ni Bien.
We can easily make him smile and laugh.
Ang sarap palang kasama 'nung taong di mahirap i-please.
All this time..ambait nya pala....
It was only me who created my own ghost.

You know if you love someone
It is very easy to appreciate him even in his little ways.
Sarap pala ng ganun.
Hassle-free.
Now kinikilig ako ulit.
Kinakabahan when his with me...
shocksss...
May magic ulit.
As to how we keep it alive
di ko alam
all I now
I am happy now.
Thanks God.