Oct 16, 2007

Confession part 1

During the time when I felt like i dont love my husband, i cheated him. I was honestly inlove in my chatmate. I can not even believed that it is indeed possible to fall inlove with someone you just knew only in cyberworld.

Its been six months communicating with him everyday.
Six months of infidelity.
Six months of believing that I love this guy from the net
and that I am willing to give up everything for him including my son.

Oh my god......

I dont know my self anymore....
Cyberman occupied my worldddd....
I was so productive in my work
I was so inspired to always look good.
Positively, I really feel beautiful and attractive.
I gained back my confidence
and independence.

But during that time, I lost my love for my husband.
I tried gaining it back while I was still attached to my cyberman but
it did not work.
Of course, it wont work at all (obviously)

Every time my husband visits us here, I know he felt the difference.
I can always see the panic in his eyes...
and I was so bad....
I dont even care about his feelings...
All i know is that feel so cold with him.
He tried fixing up hid difficulties.
He even asked for forgiving him to all the pain he caused me.
I forgive him . I told him that.
And I honestly told him also thaT He lost me.
I can not give him my heart anymore.
He just keep quite. He knows me well. When I decide something , yun na talaga yun.
He just told me na sana its not yet too late for him.

Advices from my friends will definitely not work on me.
I was so blinded with my loVe for cyberman.
Oh my god.... I can not explain, but ours is different.
You know its hard to believe but we really love each other.
And I am happy, I am very happy... I am even willing to just die with him.

One day, there was an activity in my son's school.
I attended together with my 4 years old niece lingling.
I had with me my black revealing clothing wrap in my heeheee body (alangan!!).

My niece Lingling followed the color of my attire. Since I am curly, I dont usually comb my hair.... the kid followed it again.
My father was laughing and he told me that I AM lINGLING'S idol.
"Bitaw!!!" (yes!) the child proudly answer.
"pero si Tita mo, dili absenot sa class. Honor parati tapos goodgirl"(but your tita was an achiever in school, she was always present in claSS. aND She is always a goodgirl) said by my papa.
"good and bright girl sad ko oi?" proudly answered by Lingling.

I was a bit touched by how my father and my niece looks up to me.
If they only know ... I told my self while having a very deep sigh.

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