Nov 4, 2008

I'm honestly feeling bad today having learned that from top 1 in the first grading, he is now in the 15th.
Wow. I hate this feeling. Only the feeling. It's not nice.
I love my son all the more now. It is not him that disappoints me but my self. I just realized what a pushy mom I am to him. Sobss...
I expected too much from Bien . All this time, I have expected too much from him. Kawawa naman pala siya, it is hard pa naman to live up in the expectations espcially coming from the people you love the most. I must have knew it because I've been there in that situations many times in the past.
In the past grading, I was not so strict and so focus on him. I just let him do his thing. I could see the difference. The playful Bien who tends to prioritize computer games and playing and the Bien who would wake up early and do his schoolworks. I would rather wanna see the two Bien. The playful one and the responsible kid. He must now learn the value of time management.Kelangan ko na yatang ituro yun at his age now.
In one of our talks today he told me that all his scores were because of his poor concentration in the class. He can not help to talk with his classmates, play during activity time, and not just listening. He laid to me his new plans and schedule on how to cope up. And I said to myself " Ayy...kawawa naman. Alam pala niya ang kanyang pagkakamali."
I tried to be cool in front of him. Assuring him that things are all the same. Okey lang. Kasi baka kako pag nakita nyang sad ako, he will feel more sadder.
He was smiling at me when I was about to left him inside the classroom when he calls my name.
"Oh, why? You go back to your chair now."
"Mom. I'm happy."
"Bakit" I asked him
"Kasi your a good mom. Di mo ako pinapababayaan." He added.
Hala ka oiiist.... I feel like crying. Kasi I'm actually disappointed. Itinago ko lang sa kanya."
"Syempre.... you are my son. Kung ano lang yung kaya mo, doon lang tayo." I told him.
"Kaya ko yang lahat Mom. Kaya ko talaga." He answered smiling.
"Oo naman. Sige na, balik na sa chair."

I feel better.
Why would asked for more?


jei said...

korek!!! don't expect too much from your children...remember the movie "Dead Poet Society"? let him be. he has his own strengths and weaknesses.

ev said...

i love this moves me.

sorry to miss your msg. last night bes..i wasn't feeling really well, but now i'm ok.:)

miss u both!send my hug tight to Bien. For me he'll always be the best. Take care..

MoonLae said...

hayz...inspiring ka talaga.
tama nga...
Ang sweet ni Bien 'no? Nakikita nya ung mga ginagawa mo para sa kanya.. Kita mo naman snbi nya "you're a good mom.. kakatouch!