I'm just thinking

I stood up near my college black cassette and listened to the old tape I remember to keep on playing, in reverse mode, so I can hear it all night. Those music filled my room for, if not everyday, at least until I graduated from college. For a long time I just stood exactly feeling the old times!

Gosh, ibang-iba yata ako noon. Punong-puno ng angst. Nabubuhay sa galit dahil sa panloloko ng isang tao. Dahil sa naramdamang kasawian dulot ng pag-ibig! Nakakadiring isipin muli kaya lang hindi ko mapigilan. Imagine, dahil sa kasawian kong iyun hindi na ako naniwala sa sagradong KASALAN? Anak na lang ang ginusto ko at hindi ang lalaking pakakasalan at habambuhay na mamanyakin!

Hays, sayang ang mga panahong iminukmuk ko. I should have enjoyed life pala. Kung bakit napakatagal kong nagpatali sa hatred hindi ko alam samantalang ang lalaking nanloko sa akin nagpapakasaya! Ewwww.... kabobo ko naman. Dapat pala hindi ko sya ipinagluksa ng ganun katagal. Kadiriii meee.. ehehehe.

History na ito kaya lang kakadiring balikan eh. At kung bakit ko naman binabalikan? Dahil nga sa music that I am currently listening!
As in.. super ewww.

Bakit me Villar dito ? My god, I'm not for him!

Sunset Bistro

Cozy and soothing.
Why do we like staying here?
Kasi we can read until we wanna read.
The place is peaceful, beautiful and the music playing inside mostly were 80's!

As I said, Bien can't wait reading his new books. Kasi naman, it's been months din since he had waited for its availabilty. Now that he had it, ewan ko na lang kung me time pang mag-aral yan.

The outside view of Sunset Bistro.

He's been reading "The Cats and Dogs" ~ Parang it's in the TV rin pero I'm not really sure. But as you can see, very involved na sya sa mga characters in the story.

New books

I've been toying with couple of things lately. The most promising is my relationship between books and movies. This life is wonderful. Lalo na ngayong coming summer. No work, no exam, no lectures. Sleeping with my son, playing with my nieces and nephews, getting up late, good coffee , fresh bread for breakfast and reading books with Bien.

We've been reserving some books for summer though I'm so lucky coz Mareng Nevelle is just a keypad away to send me hardbound books. Less gastos! Hehehehe....

Right now, I just simply enjoy what life has to offer me. Sana puro good, kahit simple basta masaya lahat.

I just finished reading the Amanda Quick and Lisa Kleypas books that is why Bien and I went to bookstore today to purchased new books!
Natuwa naman ako dahil nakatagpo ko uli si Ken! Tagal ko na ring di sya nababasa.

Gee.. what is diz?

Parang kagabi lang, punong-puno ng heartaches puso ko.
It's not because of Gladysclaire na ka-date ko kahapon but it's because of something happened when I get back home.
I cried again sa inis.
My son was with me trying to call his Dad.
Then I just found out na lang that we both talking to Daddy bear na.

I've never felt this sensitive all my life kaya nagulat ako how I felt kagabi. I can't even talk to daddy bear well enough kasi parang ayaw lumabas ng boses ko. Naka-stuck lang sa aking throat.
He was there sa phone comforting me. As I said in my past articles, I can't help being so sensitive now. Madali lang akong paiyakin. This is not so meee...

About the thing happened
I don't wanna felt na parang violated kahit hindi naman. Basta ayaw kong binubulyawan ako. I would react hard! Dati naman, madali lang i-ignore. Ako pah, masaktan na kayong lahat, nungka na masasaktan agad feelings ko. Sweet ako na medyo manhid. Pero ngayun overly sensitive.

Dati, if I want something, I can wait. I would kulit you to death but I can still wait.
Ngayon? Naku, kung ayaw mo, wag mo. Di kita pipilitin. Kaya kitang tikisin!

Buti na lang my mom came in my room this morning. Send me some fruit juice to drink and nicely she told me na pabayaan na lang what happened kagabi between me and my father. (YES! Papa ko kairingan ko)

I keep quite lang. Biglang iniba ni mommy usapan. Ang topic namin si Villar! Napangiti ako ng tuluyan. You know I can see how passionate she is sa politics here. She's been very busy lately with her public appearances sa community.

Before she go, she told me how passionate person I am. Lahar daw kami sa pamilya, pasyonista! That is why kapag me argument~ dibdiban. Mainit ang labanan. Matira ang matibay. Pero dapat daw, hwag kalimutan that at he end of the day, despite what happened, we should never forget how we love each other. I'm the only daughter kaya hindi pwedeng i-question how much I mean to them.

I tried soo hard not to cry. Pero unsa bang trying uy... it's difficult. so I just let my tears fall down. My mom left me. She smiled and told me na mlandi daw ako kasi me paiyak-iyak na akung drama ngayon.

If I'm pregnant?
Post ko na lang picture ng tummy ko after 6 months!

and I smile....

I received a message from my friend GladysClaire stating "When feeling bad, who is to call? Gladysbuster!"
It made me laughed really!
We have not seen each other for two months! The last time, last year pa. But I have to see her today kasi I'm delayed. I might be pregnant! Yeey!
I don't wanna go to my doctor alone. Her company will really ease down all my tensions plus I am sure that she will shoulder all the expenses or if not, she'll buy me new books!
teka...
Hmmm... wait'a'minute... kaya siguro she's been avoiding me dahil ayaw akong i-treat?
Hihihi
Lagot ka, wala kang choice!
See you later Sexybaby...

Witch

I'm soooooo mushyy when in pain.
Please bear with me.
I just need to unload my feelings.

Maybe
when you go
I won't be with you

When you go

Crying so hard.
bleeding

Want him to stay.
begging

Forget about the fears
waiting

Bright future ahead
feelings

I can't LOVEYOU

I DON't Love you............
YESTERDAY


(Crying mode)

Cry baby.....

I usually don't put emotional burdens in my heart, instead I find

things that would make me busy

and

end up buying and reading books BIG TIME!

These past days, I find my heart beats abnormally.

Always in a deep breathing ~SIGH~

It has fears inside.

Fear of not seeing someone I love for a very long time.

Fear that one day, he won't come back and we won't be whole again.

All these time, I thought I'm already strong enough to face whatever difficulties life would

offer me.

And yet I would find my self crying especially in my solitude.

So weak....

so weak that I could even feel my nerves whacking in just a thought of him leaving!

For now, he is still here.

Spending great weekends with us though during weekdays he is somewhere, mountains

apart, working.

I hate seeing myself missing people whom I used to be with.

Lalo na if that person had taken my heart fully.

It's parang he had a certain part of me na dala dala nya sa kanyang napipintong pag-alis.

I know how much he hated working in his office.

He keeps on telling me kung paano sya miniminus ng mga ka-officemates at nung iba pang nasa paligid nya.

And I would comfort him and would tell him na wala naman sa kalingkingan nya yung mga taong yun.

He would smile and hugged me tenderly.

He would tell me how I make him feel complete.

Thank me for trusting in him and for always playing his number one fan pwera lang kapag

ako ay medyo galit.

Sa pagkakaalam ko, between the two of us, I'm more emotionally stronger and secured.

Pero hindi pala. Just a thought that he might be leaving this month or next month makes

me cry easily.