Jan 31, 2007

Turning the Tide

I realized one thing in this life. People who are secure can be the best advocates and friends simply because they aren’t concerned with what others think of them. They can hub on relationships and situations with buoyancy.

My officemates were also been plagued with insecurities maybe in their personal lives and in the office as well…. Exactly just like me then. All the while we were riding the same boat and I am so glad that I had deal with them head-on.

I had now affirmed my self with the knowledge that God made me a unique and wondrous person. Indeed, I am amazed with how I deal my relationship to others.

While searching my own heart I have seen that it was full of grudges. It is difficult to set the angst free from me.

I was surrounded with unlovable person.

Lets start it with my story about the mother of my husband.

Mama Vicky and I had this undeclared war. Fighting for who's important person in her son's life. Making our life different financially and emotionally. But then as I prayed to help me love and understand her, He put us in a situation where we have no choice but love each of our weaknesses.

A new person in us was born.

As I was wandering alone in JS Gaisano thinking about how to make my self a better person, I saw mama walking alone in pain. Looking old and frustrated. I know why. She had problems with Napier´s involvement in drugs. His name was listed in the so called druglist of Mayor Duterte (Sikat baya si Mayor tungod pud ani aside sa iyang Davao death Squad). Luckily, one of the policeman who was supposed to draw a red cross in her doorstep at Dacoville tried to talk to her first. Secretly trying to help her how would Nap do away with this problem without her being humiliated by the neighborhoods that her son is involved in this mess. ( It is known in Davao that when the police put a red cross in your doorstep, it means a warning that the owner of the house were dealing this illegal drugs.)

God knows me better than I know my self.

I felt her pain while watching her so loose. I suddenly realized that I care about her and what she is going through.

I run to her…. hugged her…. cried with her…… God allowed me that time to become her good listener and a strong shoulder to cry on. I see her through. I let God to selflessly lift all the pains I have for her. It is quite a miracle that after that incident, I felt no hatred for her… not even a trace. Believed me … I love her friend…. All this time I love her. She is one of the best person I know. Manipulative as she may be but she is very sincere and full of love. I am so lucky to have her!!!!

The pains inflicted to each other is now a past tense.

"One doesn’t love inorder to to do what is good or to help or to protect someone. If we act that way we are perceiving the other as a simple object and we are seeing ourselves as wise and generous person. This is nothing to do with love. We are feeding our own pride, our own ego. To love is to be in communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God" (By the River Piedra I sat down and Wept of Paulo Coelho).

Mama Vicky is just another Pilar of the story.

That incident encouraged me to become a good Christian.

We have been facing challenges together. Helping Ervien gain back his confidence, nurturing BS' traumatic experience from his yaya and saving Shane's soul who has been shedding tears in darkness for so long. Were partners now. She can be herself as I can always be me whenever we are with each other. No more hang ups… no more pretensions. Anyhow we have the same goal and that is to make the family healthy and productive.

Ervien on the other hand is becoming a confident person. He knows what he want and knows what to do in order to achieve it. Don’t know much about fear for just being him and most of all whenever we are together with his mother he can now speak his mind. Wow , that’s my boy!!!

When I need to be weak, I am now assured that my husband can swept all my fears away. His hugs and kisses are now therapeutic. I can feel his soul consoling mine. His being confident reminds me of the man who show to the lady of Eleven Minutes (by Paulo again)the road to Santiago. Friend, all my heartaches and pain are falling away. Its like a raindrops dropping from heaven.

I can easily appreciate the laughter of the children while playing in the rain, the chirping of the birds whenever I wake every morning, the way Shane timidly smiles for me, the way my husband find peace in his solitary moment whenever his with us and most of all the way God send you to me. I no longer wonder why after all these years we only strengthen our friendship now because God made it in his own perfect timing. Two insecure friends will not make a good foundation for friendship unless we want to be a soldier fighting for nothing.

We are very lucky fren. We are loved. We can do anything in creation. There´s no part at all to understand whats happening because everything happens within us. In the story of the boy in the alchemist, even men can turn themselves into wind. As long as the wind helps. Then the wind on the other hand upon knowing the heart and desires of the boy realized that it also has limitations because it knew nothing about love (The Alchemist page 144-154:The story of the very confident wind).

Thank God for speaking the same language with you.

Till here. I love you Friend.

God bless you in many ways.

(A letter being sent to my fren Jei, who felt at this point that life is unfair. She also wanna know what happened between me and my mother in-law, kung bakit close na kami ngayon, sa kabila ng lahat.....)

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