Love listens,love hears

In an interesting book by Alexandra Davis-Neel and Lama Yongden, The secret Oral Teachings in Tibetan Buddhist Sects, the author tells how she approached a learned Tibetan regarding her plan to write the book. The wise man answer for me is both amusing and illustrative of point.

He says “Waste of time. The great majority readers and hearers are the same all over the world. I have no doubt that the people in your country are like those I have met in China and India, and these latter were just like Tibetans.

If you speak to them of profound truths they yawn, and if they dare, they leave you but if you tell them absurd fables, they are all eyes and ears. They wish the doctrines preached to them, whether religious, philosophic, or social, to be agreeable, to be consistent with their conceptions, to satisfy themselves in their inclinations, in fact that they find themselves in them, and that they feel themselves approved by them.”

For me, this is true. I am in fact one of those who wasted time.

In addition to my confusion, words often mean different things to a different people. In the play The American Dream (a stage play I downloaded in the net last night) there was a scene portrayed by Edward Albee that’s says.
“My checkboard trying to communicate with your monopolygame.”
It is a conversation between a man and his wife. The wife here is discussing in minute detail a shopping episode but the husband was thousand miles away in his own thoughts. Her only punctuation mark was when she stops long enough to ask him to repeat perfectly what she has said. The wife wants to be certain he has heard.
To be sure, he has not heard a word but he repeats it perfectly.

I find the scene hilarious. Strange that I don’t weep in the scene since I realized that I felt I have been in this situation in my life since I got married.
I think I was wrong. I am a high-maintenance wife. I think I have been asking many things, only considering my self and my depression.
I was the only one thinking he was not listening.Or maybe I only want to believe that he was not listening at all.
If I only truly listened to him (the way my dad listens to my mom)
I could hear him.
His joy.
His cry.
Love listens.
Love hears.
My another realization is that Love is not sex. Of course (this one is for my mother-in-law).
I can not doubt her love to me now. It is so genuine. I honestly love her too .
During my 4 days vacation 2 weeks ago ( October 29-Nov.3)I felt her.
I love her everything. In my experience with her I can say that:
In love, each man is his own personal challenge.
Three years ago, I never thought I could be this sweet to her.
I never thought she could love me like a real daughter.
It is a blessing to have her.
Having a good relationship to my Mama Vicky, reminds me of Antoine Saint-Exupery's "The Little Prince" (Besfren Eves you buy me this book haaa as my pamasko)definition of love as "the process of my leading you back to your self." In this statement, he is confirming his faith in man's ability to guide another to love. He suggest here that a growing SELF brings a growing love.
I hope not to waste our growing love for each other. Since I love her, it is now my responsibility to create joy with her like what I have with my parents and my family. To work in love is to work in joy.
It is easier for me now to love others.
I am stronger.
I am less afraid.
This is an important insight I discovered now.

My only pain is my brother. My love relationship to him started since birth.
If I will die tomorrow, I don't even know what to say to him.
I am not sure but I rather not talk to him.

Mommy told me that love is accepting and understanding.
I must Love him even if he feel unloved.
I must try to understand him even if he thinks he was misunderstood.
But love grows in different rate.
My love for him died.
I don't even know how and why. Or maybe my not being appreciative to his existence is only a resultant to his behavior.
I honestly don’t wish to bridge our gap.
But you see, in love there is hope.
It is always changing and learning.

In the buddhist book I just discussed in the first paragraph, it was said that basic human characteristics includes confusion,egocentricity, pride,envy, even indigestion, disappointment and many more.
To that degree, I am 100 percent human.

(From the right: My elder brother Kuya Owe, my Mom, Baby Lovi and my ever Favorite brother since birth)

Pito-pito

I just visited my besfren's blog and I find this one cuteee.... so joiners ko karun.

Rule: List of 7. Write 7 random facts about yourself in your blog.

1. Madramang-makwela na maarteng weirdo
2. Mahilig sa fitting lalo na't kulay itim na showee ang cleavage at see-thru ang
dating
3. Napapalitan ang pangalan ng mga kaibigan at kapamilya at kahit ng mga artista o
kung anu -a nong bagay na napag-uusapan pero magkatugma naman ang tunog.
4. Kunyari nakikinig pero di naman pala, pero nakikinig naman talaga kaya lang medyo
di lang talaga nya maintindihan minsan lalo na kapag tinupak maging bruhilda.
5. I just spend my time in a coffee shop. painum -inum lang ng kape habang nag
cha-characterized ng mga taong dumadaan na feeling nya ay nagsusulat sya ng
nobelang ala-Harry potter ang dating... pero di pa nauumpisahan until now..ngee
6. Fashion oriented na me sariling mundo- di naman nang-aagaw ng atensyun, wala lang
feeling impostora , ambisyosa at maldita ang fashion. Ususera..
7. Funny na corny.Hindi sumusunod sa rule. Matigas ang ulo in tagalog, ewan bading
yata sya

Now I am tagging Lira

BS in KCC Mall

Forgetting the pain, we went to KCC Mall together to buy some new books. Then He also bought some pizza and we stayed in Coffee Dream. While drinking my coffee Bien answered the questionnaire I made for him and at the same time eating the pizza and drinking his juice.

He was happy now.
He kissed me all the time.
"Mommy? You love me?" He asked me.
"Why you asked me that? You think I dont love you?" I asked him
"You lovee mee" he said with a big grin on his face.

I wrapped my arms around him so tight and I am scared that he might do it in school. Hurting his classmates when he gets irritated.

I explained to him that hurting is bad.
Then he answered me that yes it is bad. It is not makatao.
I remember his subject in MAKABAYAN. His teacher taught them the KATANGIAN NG BAWAT BATANG PILIPINO. I find it cutee... nakarelate sya.


Bien proved his worth to me once again. He understands. He cares about what is happening around him. Paranoid lang siguro kaming mag asawa dati.
He grabbed my hands and bring me to MC DONALD.
He played in the playhouse with the other kids until he get tired and we went home.

When were home, all his cousins were waiting for him. Buti na lang me paSALUBONG ANG TITA. We sleep together in my room. As in the whole gang sleep with us.

A forgiving BS

While putting some lotion in my son's body inside my room,his words struck me.
As in walay atik.... nakalitan ko sa iyang words.
"Mommy , Happy na ako." He said.
"Why?" I asked him while still crying.
"Kasi si Tito CioCio nagsorry na. Tapos Maxine, Lean , Lj loves me!!!" he answered
Suddenly I saw my two nieces hiding under our bed.
Bien was laughing out loud now. As if nothing worse happened.

Kuya Hurts BS

Today Lj, Maxine , Anjo, BS and Igi Boy (all my nieces and nephew) except for BS (he is my son) went to a store to buy some food to eat for an early morning merienda. Then Bien studied his lessons. He had the tendency to be careless in his examinationbut then again bata pa kasi. So we are starting to train him to manage his time for studying and playing.

During cooking time for our lunch, me and my elder brother were having a funny time together. He was only teaching me the wrong style of cooking caldereta. He was really thinking that I dont know the recipe (heheheee..napahiya tuloy ang kuyaa).

Then I heard my son crying in pain. I should know that he is in pain....
Bien is shouting "aray kooo....aray ko..." and also he was crying. In his voice I felt that he was not only in pain but also he was very scared.

From my Kuya Erwin's room I saw him running to get inside my room. I left my eldest kuya and run to Bien but the door is already closed. My son closed it. He was fearful that his Tito Erwin might follow him to hurt him again.
I knocked the door and called his name.
I tried to sound very calm.
I told him its mommy.
Things are okey now..
I am here..

He opened the door with eyes clouded with big tears continuously falling down on his cheeks.
You know, I tried to keep my feeling but really, I can not help it. When I hugged him, I cried. We cried while we were hugging each other.
If you can only feel every beat of my sons heart, you will hate my brother.

The two of us have unresolved issues.
It was not being talked about.
I dont even remember how it started.
Why we hate each other.
Why the two of us do not spend time even saying hello or hi whenever we passed on each other in any place be it in the mall, in school, in our home or even during our eating time. It has been years... maybe since my birthdate.

Kuya Owe and my mom followed me.

"What happened to my friend? Kawawa naman ang friend ko.." Kuya Owe consoles my son. I have a cute little smile on my face hearing my brother speaking in english. This was the first time I heard him using that language. Though my heart is in pain, I was smiling.

From her garden, mommy was with us.She asked my son if he touches his Tito's thing. Bien in his distress just continue crying. Bien touched my Kuya's mountain bike. He only played the wheel then my brother thrown him the small squared clock. It was his left eye that was hit.

Knowing my mom who is always apologetic , she will never confront my brother. I know she is only waiting for the right time.

I wonder why despite of his ogre attitude God still showered him with blessings (forgive me Lord for questioning you). Kind wife, patient parent, wonderful siblings, intelligent pamangkins, high-paid work, healthy baby boy and many more. Yet, he is still bitter. He is aloof to us (me and my other brothers). He must have millions of hatred molecules for me.

"Mommy, I dont cry now." Bien told me. Then I realized that my room was now crowded. All my nephew and nieces were there consoling my son while no one had ever tried getting near my kuya.

I took Bien to the bathroom. While going downstair, I saw him watching TV in our living room. Frozen face.
"Kuya..." I confronted him
"Okey lang na sinasaktan mo ako nung maga bata pa tayo o kahit nung malalaki na tayong tao pero yung saktan mo ang anak ko, ibang usapan na yan"
I also told him that he could have told me what was wrong. Huwag naman yung sya pa ang manakit sa batang ALAM NAMAN NIYANG ME TRAUMA NA.
While telling him that I wanted top see his face. I wanna know how would he react to me. But I couldn't .....My tears were over flowing.... my voice was trembling.... I was so hurt....a hurt that came from my yesterday and was only triggered today.
I hate him.
I really do hate him.
I only realized that t.o.d.a.y.

In the most positive way I can, I explained to Bien the situation while bathing him.

My brother went inside the bathroom.
To my surprise, I did not feel anything.
Shittt..... ganito pala ang namanhid na.
You are like a stone.
So cold and so still.

I hate him for hurting Bien.
I pretended not to see him.
He was invincible to me.
I despised the day he was born to be my brother.
I can not despised the family I was with, only him.
t was my second eldest brother who actuallyu made my life miserable.
My Mom, Dad, and two other brothers shared with me their love.
I am so thankful for that.

"Love , sorry na talaga" My kuya told me.
Shocks first time na nagsorry.
Ang hari.... nag sorryyy...
"Dapat pala sinabi ko na lang sa yo. Di ko na man napigilan feelings ko." He added.

I did not answered. Forgiving man ako na tipo, pero at that time nag stock-up ANG THROAT KO.

"Okey lang Kuya. Andami ko na sigurong kasalanan sayo ano? Kaya pati anak ko na hyper active hate na hate mo rin. He is still on theraphy, dapat naiintindihan mo yan kasi ikaw naman ang oinakamatalino sa pamilyang ito. " I told him while pretending to busy washing my sons feet.

He get near my son and hold Bien's head.... He said sorry to BS and walked away.

Wow! Shocks... kahit papaano my brother is different now. He knows how to say sorry already!!! I know I am a sweet person, but I was not swept away by him.
Feeling ko he will always be hurting me emotionally.

My first EveR awaRd

Now I realized how good it is to feel when someone gives you an award.
My new friend in blogworld Twerlyn awarded me a NICEAWARD!!!
Thank you so much Kabayan... you just dont know how much you inspired me to blog more.

Its my turn to share this to the following persons:
Jei, the great writer
ygenz, then cute and bubbly teenagepuff
kralsukur, my new friend
and lastly to
urKA-CHIKA

A lot like Lovi

My friend Jei wrote this article for me.
Feeling ko tuloy ako si Ruffa G.
I feel like a celebrity witch.
Wooowwwww...... I am so importanttttt...(giggles)
Look Bru your such a great writer.
For me , your one of the best.
Thank you for this.


It is just so unwise to judge a person by her looks. No matter how she may give away a loveable and appealing persona to each and every homo sapien she meets, one way or another, she would still be capable of releasing her evil self that lurks around her every cell and atom to deal with its unfortunate prey. On the other hand, a person may have a character of someone who pumps ice, instead of blood, inside her heart but it is likely there’s also some little amount of holiness swimming along her red and white blood cells. This fact simply gives life to the century-old cliché “Nobody Is Perfect”. As much as all of us have our sinister character is as much as we have our immaculate personality. What matters is how one lives her own life and how well she can fairly cope up with whatever tribulations she meets along the way. She can be a saint or a demon. She can be a friend or a foe. She can be brave and cowardly. She can be loved today and be hated tomorrow. She can be...a lot like Lovi.

If I am to describe this no-nonsense girl in five words within two seconds, my mouth would definitely utter NOT YOUR DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. If you are to put her in a crate and send it to some planet where tough and independent people are very much needed, the box would definitely bore a sign that says: DON’T PROVOKE OR YOU WILL SEE HELL.
This stylish girl, who had curly mane as her distinguished trademark, was christened by her modish mom and environmentalist dad with a name that would best describe her as a person---Lovielly. But let’s call her Lovi instead.
Lovi is a woman who can be extra sweet and genuinely charming if she wanted to. But when the need arises, she also has her own bone-chilling claws and eerie fork tongue to use against people who belongs to this so-called Secret Society of Bitches and Assholes who deserved some slicing on their faces, ala-Wolverine style, and a deadly spit of venom on their wounds after some serious slicing, like a Black Mumba. Yeah…that would definitely make her day! What makes it more eerie is that she can do all these deadly acts having a sweet smile on her face…eeww, twisted!
But don’t assume things yet. Lovi may be tough and haughty, but she is not a merciless witch. In fact, once you get to meet and know her for the first time, you can quickly conclude she’s undeniably friendly and smart. Those deadly weapons just come in handy if she needs to ban self-centered people, who just can’t get enough of themselves, to enter her premises. Deep inside though, she has a good heart. She’s “none of the above” to multiple choices of insensitive, backbiter, pretentious and stuck-up.
So, what’s so good about Lovi? Ohhh, lots of things…



Fashionable Goddess

Stylish, yes. Very, in fact. But on this department, let me just emphasize that Lovi does not consult her wardrobe to some high-paid fashion designer and spend big bucks just to know what to wear. Her fashionista” image is
just maintained by religiously following her OWN style --- yeah, the Lovi way. And dig this. She finds happiness digging buckets and buckets of UK (ukay-ukay) clothes everyday. She calls it an “investment” and mind you, she’s 100% good at it.
Lovi loves to experiment with her evolving fashion sense. She loves being sexily stylish and trendy favoring backless or cleavage-revealing blouses all the time. Other people may find her style too daring or weird, but because she was born with unwavering confidence, she always looked awesome and chic strutting around with these kinds of wardrobes. Not once, did she look cheap on it. UK dresses are cheap but if it is worn by someone like Lovi, look again.
Her fashion experiments don’t scare her a bit. Instead, it boosts up her self-confidence the more. She loves to innovate. She finds joy in “brainstorming” her next wardrobe. She loves to play “matchmaker” to blouses and pants, scarves and skirts. The girl simply had an eye for fashion. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day, this girl, who hails from General Santos City, will have her own boutique someday.


Vain in her every vein


Lovi used to hate make-ups and
I used to see her without any colors
painted on her face…not even a light
lipstick or a shiner maybe. The girl
was so aloof when it came to using
cosmetics and back then, not a single
soul can convince her to indulge into
it. There was even a time when his husband, also a good friend of mine, asked her what she wanted for her birthday --- a lipstick, a press powder or some blush-on. “Can you give me a perfume instead?” was the answer to the million-dollar question.
But Glory to God in the highest, after so many years of not seeing each other (she decided to settle in Gen San City after resigning from her stressful job), Lovi turned out to be this rosy-cheeked and red-lipped babe all of the sudden. I thought I could never see such a sight! As much as she loves to dress up is as much as she loves to be her own make-up artist. She detested it before. She can’t leave the house without it now.
The thing is, not only is she indulging into this colorful interest of hers but she’s also into revamping every inch of her body, from the tips of her hair down to the ends of her toenails. Not only are jewelries a woman’s best friend but a beauty regimen as well. For a woman who is so full of pep and enthusiasm, Lovi’s beauty rituals included first and foremost physical activities such as jogging, playing badminton and belly dancing to attain a heavenly figure. These forms of exercises also helped her be energetic at all times and not even a small amount of pressure and stress is allowed to invade her system. But Lovi does not deny the fact that she also tried diet pills from the “acceptable” Fitrum to the “just okay” Xenical down to the “Oh no, not that!” Ballerina. As of this writing, Lovi is still into the latter.
The regimen does not stop there, of course. As a young girl, she used to be depressed about these ugly scars on her face due to her skin asthma. Now, as a grown woman whose self-confidence had also heightened to its peak, her Depression Era was mightily changed into a Time of Transformation. Instead of lamenting over her disgraced skin, she consulted beauty products that would give her the pleasure of having smooth and clear skin.
Like millions of filipina, Lovi also wanted to attain fairer skin. Ever heard of the famous Metathione and Glutathione? To be honest I don’t really have any idea what’s the difference between the two but these “thione” siblings solicited a lot of testimonies that they truly whitens the skin. Lovi used to take the very expensive Met pills but because it resulted to some health problems, her doctor advised her to discontinue taking the pills. Imagine her frustration.
She’s reuniting herself with the ever dependable and more affordable Papayas again --- soap, lotion, the fruit itself --- name it, she uses it!
But Lovi’s healthiest regimen of all is maintaining a healthy diet. With the influence from her husband, she is in fact nearly converting herself into a vegetarian. It’s not that she’s an animal rights activist or something but she just wanted to free her body from taking meat. It was hard at first but equipped with enough determination, she’s winning the battle.
Lovi is undeniably vain but her vanity never crossed the border that could earn her a spot in the Secret Society Club. If vanity is giving her a sense of fulfillment, thus making her happy without stepping into other people’s toes, thus encouraging her to always have a positive outlook in life, then why stop this woman from doing so? She always feel beautiful inside and out and come to think of it, she really is. The last time we saw each other, I remembered her smart and beautiful son blurting “She’s a sexy Momma!”


Passionate Reader,
Fervent Writer



I’ve always known Lovi to be a passionate reader. She reads every book that her hands could grab and her eyes could see. And once she gets to like what she’s reading, definitely there will be no parting, not even a second, with that reading material no matter what it takes.
She especially loved to read books authored by Paulo Coelho and Mitch Albom, two novelists who’s every piece of literary works never fails to touch the souls of their readers. They love to write about ordinary characters with extraordinary lives. Coupled with a simple way of writing style, both novelists produce an exemplary work of art that could truly inspire anybody who reads it. That’s how Coelho and Albom are and Lovi just couldn’t get enough of them.
But being a wide reader, she never limits herself to reading only the works of those authors. She also finds joy and satisfaction reading from Shakespeare to Frank McCourt’s “Angela’s Ashes”, from J.D. Salinger’s “Catcher In The Rye” to Eve Montelibano’s taglish love stories, from Philippine Daily Inquirer’s Rolando de Quiros’ column down to the simplest essays created by her own friends who are also skillful writers like her. She simply adored books, may it be a paperback or hard-bound, new release or bought on sale. I wonder how big is her library now?
The girl loves to read a lot but her name is synonymous to writing. When it comes to playing with English, Tagalog and a little bit of Visayan words to create her own piece of literature, Lovi is a truly gifted individual. A girl who is never afraid to speak her mind is also a girl who never stopped herself from writing anything under the sun, moon and stars. Writing is always her passion, her outlet, her confidante, her first love.
Lovi’s passion for writing dates back ages and ages ago. Even before she entered her college years, she always knew she loved to write, thus taking up a Mass Communication course at the Holy Cross of Davao College.
She loves to document all her emotions either in a paper or her personal computer which one way or another helps her keep track of how she is growing as a person. Every happiness, frustrations, fear, grief and joy are painstakingly recorded, letting these emotions decide what she would write about and how she would write it.
What’s good about Lovi is that even though she is already too good a writer, she never ceases to learn more. She has her own Circle (of “writing” friends) wherein she shares most of her literary works to them as well as trying to learn from their writing style at the same time. She is happy every time she makes love with her laptop to create her masterpieces. But she’s happiest if she gets to read each and every article shared by her friends in the Circle. And how is the sharing done? Blogging, of course. Lovi’s Google Blogspot is her second home and her blissful dwelling. It’s undeniably her nirvana.
Getting back to the question again…what’s good about Lovi? To sum it all up, Lovi is a passionate reader and a fervent writer whose vanity makes her a fashionable goddess. She’s definitely an artist inside and out.




She who’s name is notting.

How lucky one is to have her as a friend.
Despite her imperfections and weaknesses,
In totality, she is indeed God-send

What would life be without her?
Whose existence simply gives joy to everyone.
A girl who knows how to heal one’s dying soul
And who never leaves a friend even when all is gone.

She can be a friend or a foe,
She can be very brave or cowardly,
She’s neither a saint nor a demon,
She is just…a lot like Lovi.


(Lovi is a kind of friend I could never imagine my life without. She’s truly one in a million. – jei agas)

Wanderlust

I used to dedicate this poem to my mom and dad.
Now I will offer every words of this to Bien.
We used to call him BS but he do not like to be called that way now. He will always insist to call him Bien.

Wander, wander, wandering
The urge to roam
to dance
to fly
to be,
the search for free
the need to see
to go
to find
to search
to do
My thirsts
So easily quenched
So close to home
And yours so grand
So elegant
So marvelous
Climbing mountain tops and riding elephants
and tiger hunts
and dancing bears
and far off stars
and trip to Mars
and all of it
So wild
So vast
So freee
As you wander
wandering
wondering

And then the best part of all
When satisfied
complete
and happy now
You wander
slowly
home to me

Mom and Dad

Why can't life be perfect?
Why can't life be packaged up nicely, complete with an instruction booklet?
Why can't we see the future so we can make perfect decisions?

but anyway smelling the roses
playing and dancing in the rain,
cooking and eating food you want
and being with your friends, family and love ones
is morethan enough to sigh that
LIFE IS GGGRRREAT!

Life is a road we travel.
Learning comes along the way.
If we cannot learn as we live, where is the gain?
There is pain and there is heartbreak... yeahhh
but there is also love and forgiveness.
Open your heart and enjoy your journey.

I am not perfect, nobody is
but for now I am happy
I can sleep with a smile
I can walk with a big grin on my face

In this journey I am so lucky to have them both
my mom
my dad
I love you.
You make my life colorful.
You make my life great.

Changes

Me,Anjo,Leslie and Baby Maxine






Years after with the same cute gangs Leslie, Kiddie Maxine with additional company from Bien in exchange to his Kuya Anjo.
Anjo refused to join. Anyway, he is in his third year highschool now.


There is no such thing as permanent indeed!!!! I hope to stay inlove with them forever. They keep me young and alive.

Kiber

Whats your warriors name? Firestar kind selfless tendency to break rules (but only for a good cause) strong Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

I think its a bit true... what do you think Nancy and Eves

Personality Test

From my friend's house Nancang.
Honestly I am now thinking why we have the same color.
Heheheheheee
I love you Friend.

What color is your personality? Your Personality is Dark blue! Your a true feeling person. You often spend time just sitting, and trying to understand your over-whelming emotions. You love learning, and dreaming. Quite shy, you enjoy your solitude. You live a life of deep reflection. Secretly, your highly spiritual. Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

Twinkle Kapalunguan

Yesterday I visited my long time highschool friend in Mindanao Baptist Hospital here in GenSan City together with my highschool Bestfriend Alma. She is dying. I saw her in the ICU but for now her status is already stable ( her doctor told us to be ready..anytime she will be going to die).

Like her name, she always shines on the top. Twinkle is the topnotcher in our batch... Beauty and brains. Pinaka least expected ko talaga na mangyayari ito sa kanya. I feel so sad seeing her in that situation na kahit sa pananalita nya'y hirap na hirap sya.

Her lungs , her heart , her kidneys and other major organs in her body is not functioning well. But I saw in her eyes her will to live more. My God... ayaw pa nyang mamatay. Ayaw pa nyang gumive-up kahit hirap na hirap na sya at kahit ang bawat kinakain niya ay di na tinatanggap ng kanyang sikmura( she still dont want to die. She refused to let go even if she's been suffering a lot and even when she always vomit everything she is eating)

While visiting her, some of our friends will tell her to lift up everything to God. "Sige na... pagod ka na Twinx.... let go na... let go na..."
I can not forget the reaction in her eyes... I know, I just know that she did not like what she heard.

They prayed for her.
I dont know but I can not join them in their prayer even if physically I was with them. I am too weak in this kind of situation. I just put on my cold face because I dont want Twinx to see me affected by her situation. I know her, she do not like to be pitied.
I'm really crying inside.
I really want to hug her frail body.
Touch gently her dried hair and dried and scaly skin.
But I refused to do it...
I dont know why I was not expressive with her.
Maybe I do not love her.
Maybe she is not close to me.
But inside, I am crying....
Inside I feel her pain.
Its just that I can not expressed it.

Remember how to think like a child

In the movie Young Frankenstein, Gene Wilder is saying good-bye to his sweetheart, Madeline Khan. He steps to embrace her but is immediately rebuffed with "The hair. The hair." All his attempt to bid his affectionate adieu are foiled because she doesn't want anything "mussed". That is exactly how some peole live their lives. As adults, many of us need the child-like enthusiasm that will allow us to loosen and live.

You cant make positive difference in the live of others by becoming dreary old fuddydud.

I was a bit like Madeline Khan this morning while chatting to my bestfriend Murat. I got conscious into the way I look. I was so excited to listen to his folklore music that I even forgot to fix my self before facing him in the webcam. But I am okey now, I just realized that any woman looks more prettier everytime she wakes up in the morning, hehehe.

Before going to work today, I decided to lie in the ground and watch the clouds roll by together with my nieces and nephews and I played hide and seek with my two year-old cute pamangkin named IGIBOY (Nephew). We hugged each other with out any reservations.
You know what? I feel good and it brightens my world!

By the way, I just got my self fixed and I feel so sexy going to my meeting today.

Here is what I realized today:

Loosen up, lighten up, and love with a child's heart.
Regardless if you look abit mystical. BOOOOO.... mooo mooooo

For Nancy

Guys, the friendship you give me is the sky above my home. The clean cystal air that I breath, through which I see. I can not believe how much you two mean to me.
We may not see each other all the time but my love for both of you will remain in my heart. With out you with me, time would turn to stone. I need your friendship and most of all I need you both WHOLE. In times your wounded heart can hardly bear.. I will be there, absolutely.

To Nancy my sexiest fren (next to me… eheheheheh) goodluck to your operation this 15th. I am scared but I know God will make it easy for you.
You know why I need you Girl? Maybe because you always awaken my senses to be fully who and what I am. I NEVER EVER BEEN SO DRAMATIC TO YOU …. Just now….just now…
With you and our besfren Eves… we share a grace that never ends.
(shittt…rhyming words man gyud… Picture ninyung duha ni eves beh..kadtong nagsassy- girl nga pose…paki-email kay i-post nako nganhi… and diay, hows your photoshop? Kaya mo yan oi… kadali ra ato… lisud pa ning blogging)

The beauty of Bettyboop

The beauty of Betty Boop
Is not in the clothes she wears,
The figure she carries,
Or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of Betty Boop
Must be seen from her eyes,
Because that is the doorway to her heart,
The place where love resides.

The beauty of Betty Boop
Is not in a facial mole,
Butthe true beauty Betty Boop
Is reflected in her soul.

It is the caring that she lovingly gives,
The passion that she shows,
The beauty of Betty Boop
With passing years-only grows.

Lucky is man who is the first love of Betty Boop
for she will never forgets

Photograph and memories

Photographs will help us understand who we are and from whom we become.
Somebody said (but I forgot who he is) that photos are precious pieces of life tha can be held in the hand.

This blog was introduced to me by my Bestfriend. So from jotting down in my diaries I then trasfer into blogging. From here I am now organizing a wonderful memories I have with my family, friends and love ones. Labelling my golden moments is surely a hit. A memory that would last a lifetime na pwede kong ipamana sa aking mga magiging anak, apo, eheehee and all those who will see their reflected faces in the photograph and all those who will read their part in my life.

My father appreciated my blog. I just showed it to him just now. He was so amazed. Heheheheh my ever number one fan.

He told me that it is a renewed sense of identity.
Wowoweeee.... ang lalim kaya?

Mao run.... nainspired noon ko to do a family heirloom. You know when I will finish it... i will compound my sense of satisfaction by offering help to my friends to do the same.

Anyway, with this we could make a maze or a door or a window to our past.

Murag computer gyapun... hyperlinking lang ng linking.... geeeez....

Mommy almost slapped (from jei)

When it comes to testing my patience, my one year old son oftentimes succeeds in making me lose it. Almost everyday, we have this mommy-son war going on especially during feeding time and in sleeping at night which often results to semi-harsh yelling and butt-spanking. The guilt-feeling on my part, expectedly comes afterwards.
Being both a mommy and a career woman is one role I have yet to learn. It always amazes me to watch other mommies who are also preoccupied with their work being so patient in dealing with their equally “busy” child. ‘Supermoms’ is what they are called and I don’t have an inkling feeling that I could be one of them…yet.
Learning for the first time that I was pregnant gave me mixed emotions. At first, I thought I was only experiencing what they call “layag” because not having menstruation for months isn’t new or unusual to me anymore due to the fact of having abnormal hormones. I was not even thinking of the possibility of getting pregnant at that time. When I started to feel uneasy with my body already, I consulted not an OB doctor but a pregnancy test kit. How many lines do you think appeared after three minutes huh?
Finally, an ultrasound test confirmed that indeed, I am going to be a mom after 9 months. When my husband---my boyfriend then---was still trying to comprehend the good news, I was also trying to grasp the idea of me being a mother. At that time, not a single hint of how am I gonna look like being pregnant and how am I gonna be as a mommy came to pacify the mixed feelings I was having.
My son came out through normal delivery. He was indeed the bundle of everybody’s joy and the apple of our eyes. Every moment was captured and recorded which resulted to buying loads of photo albums. They said first-borns often possess gazillions of pictures. When he turned a year older, he started learning to walk, talks alien language and already demonstrated different emotions. It was on this stage of his life where my patience started to malfunction.
My son has this superb talent of fighting sleepiness. Even with all the yawning and the droopy eyes, he fights back sleep for wanting to walk around the house, from bedroom to kitchen, while yapping some alien words loudly and proudly. Now try to imagine going home from work, dog-tired and wanting to hit the bed to be able to wake up early the next day but your son just refuses to retire from the “work” he was having.
I often get hoarse voice from humming made-up lullabies and my legs often get tired from dancing while I hum for two to three hours. By doing these, all I get are kicks and wails. Tired moms do find these really irritating!
The little guy also has this attitude of forever refusing to take solid foods. He only accepts three to four scoops and after that, expect the food and the spoon to be flying around you. Goodness, my son has incredibly strong hands. And feet too. What he could not reach with his hands, he’ll try reaching it with his feet. I should have named him Dexter for being so dexterous.
But don’t get me wrong. I love my son dearly. What’s mysterious about it is the more he is testing my patience, the more I am drawn to him. The more my love for him grows. But I guess that’s just the way it is. Mommies love their child from the moment they were conceived until they reach their elementary days, until they finish highschool, until they graduated from college, until they marry, until they have a child of their own until…eternity.
My son is my pride and joy. He was, and still is, truly a blessing given to me and I could never thank God enough for that. Yes, there are times that I almost snap but the thing is, I never did. Just because I couldn’t sleep early or way too tired pushing the food inside his mouth is not enough reason for me to pour all my hatred and angst to him. Thankfully, I’m not that kind of momma. My son is just being a kid and living that kind of life only happens once. So why take that opportunity from him?
Patience is one virtue that I don’t really possess. I easily get irritated if I fail to achieve the things that I want to achieve. But my son, small and innocent as he is, taught me how to increase my patience’s level. He may not be a well-behaved kid as of the moment but when he is giving me my practical exam in “deal with your patience” subject, I would just stay silent and look into his eyes, then I would suddenly realize how I love this little kid. So much that I would extend my patience just for him. The funny thing is, when he realizes I’m staring at him, he would suddenly stop whatever he was doing and laugh his heart out. Indeed a child’s laughter is the best sound in the world!

Darang....

Vacation muna akoo.... I will be in Davao for five days with BS and Ervien.

The beauty and the chick (from Jei)

I got a letter from my good friend. Actually, it’s a letter saved in a CD (technology nowadays may seem convenient and speedy but pens and papers remains to be the best way in making letters more personal and touching). She also saved two of her short literary works for my reading pleasure and some pictures taken while at work to show me how her career life contributes so much of the happiness she is experiencing nowadays. What’s more, I got a bonus! She included a song, untitled that is, because she said that the lyrics sums up all she wants to say to me.
It was a good song. Actually it’s a kind of music you would want to dedicate to a very depressed friend who sees nothing but the worst side of life. A feeling I am very familiar with. It amazes me thou that my good friend was so sensitive enough to truly grasp the kind of turmoil I am undergoing with my life. Also, in just a short span of time, she was able to find a song fitted for my sentiments and lamentations (good grief! Am I turning to be a bitchy drama queen?). But given the fact that she’s an artist inside and out, I should not have wondered in the first place.
Reading her letter and listening to the song afterwards moved me so much. Add the fact that she had done a lot of great effort just to make me feel good about myself made my tears want to burst out from my eyes, but hey, I’m in the office for crissake, so phuleezz, not a single tear! Looking silly and mushy in front of my officemates is the last thing I want to happen.
Ours is a friendship that started not so long ago. We hit it off because we had the same favorites in almost everything --- music, movies and showbiz personalities (oh yeah, we just can’t get enough of showbiz! Call us baduy but we’re a die hard fan of Sheryl Cruz, Judy Ann Santos and Sharon Cuneta). Recently, our camaraderie became strong and profound because we both realized we share the same passion --- reading and collecting books. Books, may it be a paperback or hard-bound, new release or bought on sale, is one thing we are forever slaving ourselves for. If Gollum considers Sauron’s ring his precious, we on the other hand considered books as our valued treasure.
We also love writing. The difference is, she always knew that writing is her one true passion. Me, on the other hand, just recently realized that I love to write. To be a columnist or an editor-in-chief of a fashion magazine is an ultimate dream of mine. But since I’m still in the “I-doubt-if-I-can-do-this” stage, so….heck, I don’t know!
I saved the file in my office computer so that every time depression takes me (I always have this when I’m at work), just a few clicks from my computer mouse, then ta da! loads of inspiration would chase the devil away and kick its butt out of my system. Geez, sometimes I’m close to believing that I do need a shrink badly.
Having someone who shares the same brain waves like I do is such a wonderful and comforting feeling. What’s really cool about it is that my friend and I don’t see each other often. She’s a Gen San beauty while I’m a Davao chick. But who could stop two wonderful and artistic bitches from being friends? Now is not a Stone Age era but a period of gushing technologies. We’re also “techies”, mind you. Darn! Are we superwomen or what?





The beauty…doing her groceries with son BS.









The chick…during her baby Stan’s 1st birthday party.

Wonder Five

What's In a Number 5?
This Five MeMe is from Marie. You are so kind. Thank you so much.

WHAT'S IN MY ROOM?
* Black curtains
* weighing scale
* Personal Computer
* Books
* Airconditioner

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO..
* date Andy Garcia
* play with snowman
* watch Caribbean Cinema with Juday in Singapore
* Live in New Zealand together with my family and friends
* get my desired weight

WHAT'S IN MY BAG?
* cellphone
* book
* pen
* blush on make up
* moneyyy

WHAT'S IN MY WALLET?
* cash
*atm cards
* stickers
* lipton tea
* IDs

I'M CURRENTLY INTO…
* Blogging
* Reading the book of Frank Mc Court’s Angela’s Ashes
* watching La Vendetta TVshow
* Playing badminton
* losing weight

How about you Bes? (ewww.... unsaon pag tag?)

A warm cup

Nothing much is happening now. My dinner is over. I look at my child. He was smiling. I sip my coffee and it was so hot. It burns my tongue. Buanga oi... absent-minded ko duh.
My child laughed at me.
I asked him whats so funny?
and he told me nothing mom... you know its hot and you drink it like a coke.

Oh my god... i can not seem to change it nowww... nagbibinata na si BS. Dili na sya babyyyy....

I nod and embraced him. Giving him lots of kisses in his face, neck and stomach
pero gang mao ni ang iyang gisulti...

"MOMMY!!! stop itttt bahhh six years old na ako. "
"Pag six years old na pala, di na magpa-kiss BS?"
he was smiling back at me and answered
"Bien ako lagi not BS. May GF na ako... si Camelle at Corazon"
"Hindi oi... friends mo lang yan sila" I said to him smiling
"Iba man friends ko, iba rin asawa ko" he answered excitedly.
"Haa?" I reacted
"si Marimar..sya ang asawa ko kasi mas pogi ako kay sergio oi" he added

I nod. Looking at the way he looks. Very happy and very excited. I feel his hand on my skin. I smiled and told my son that I am so happy for him. He is an improved person now.

"What did you say? Improved? Why?" tanong ba naman nya bigla.
Di ko tuloy masagot. Yannn dahil sa kadramahan ko today.
"Nothing Bien oi. "

At least while my coffee is too warm, dili man sad ko cold. (gets?)
Ambot... wa man gani ko... heheee
"Mommy... come. See o? Marimar na!!!" Bien told me..
"Tinggnan mo ang asawa ko, ang ganda talaga oi." he added

I just smiled back...
Oo nga naman, maganda talaga sya. Parang mas nag-fit sa kanya ang role kesa kay Angel.

Hanepp... sayang naman at tinanggihan nya.
Everything happens for a rerason talaga.
Siguro panahon na ni Marian (the actress who played the role of Marimar) ngayon.
And honestly, buti na lang, di ko na hinahanap-hanap yung kinababaliwan ko.

I am back now na gyud diay.
Thank God.

My mom!!!!

My mom attended an informal debate today aired in Bombo radio Station in Gensan.
Ang taas ng rating ng program during her guesting.
I will tell you talaga na mag-eenjoy ka.
It's like watching Anabelle Rama's frankness, yun nga lang mas educated naman magsagot ang mommy.
I was surprised by her wits.
She easily answered all issues against her SmaRtlY.
Ang galing!!!
Ngayon ko lang nadiscover how well-verse she is in her chosen profession.
I am proud of her... win or lost she will always be number 1 to me.

uNTITLEd

I remember liking my husband only as friend during my lawschool days in Ateneo. I was sure that there was nothing he can do to become my bf. For years , I was still living in the shadow of XXXXXX.
On the other hand he was very persistent to have me. I know that. I felt it. Di naman sa nagmamaganda oi. Kunti lang hehehe. Or maybe he knows that I was not dating anyone in particular kaya he was always ready to ignite his desire for me. Nakss!!!
Ang sweet kaya nya... and until now pala ...
He always pursue me with calls, notes, and dinner sometimes lunch at breakfast pa. Sa kabila ng kahinaang nakita noon, he tried pala to still be the best husband I could ever have. Kahit papano naman it was me who became indifferent. I forgot that I married a human not a saint. Bigla ba naman akong sumuko? Minsan naiisip ko kung bakit ko naman hinayaang mawala yung love ko sa kanya at nailipat ito sa ibang tao. Ewwww....
Nais kong kalimutan ang kabanatng ito ng buhay ko pero mas gusto ko rin namang isulat ang kung ano mang nararamdaman meron ako at this time.

Haaayyy... untitled to kasi.. wala lang, im just taking a grip. Kapagod kayang mangampanya oi.

mountain

I just climbed this mountain from Maribulan, Sarangani Province where my client planted the mahogany trees as their commitment for the protection of Sarangani Bay. While working on it I realized that I also have my beautiful twin mountains.
Hehehehe!!! Jowwwkkkk....


The copycat mountain... (mao!!!)

Blinded

Reading my other blog, I realized how stupid I was for just thinking of leaving my family for the sake of one man that I dont even know. How can I be so inlove with him when we were only communicating through the internet.

Today, I am almost crying. Ang tindi ng tupak ko for the last 6 months...
Hello................ Loviellyyyyy!!!
I am glad your back to your normal self now.

When I told my husband about my feelings today. He hugged me and he even told me that he was praying for a second chance.
Halaka..... how can i ever leave him? He is enough gift God had showered me.

Ang nakita ko lang pala sa kanya ay yung kahinaan at kakulangan nya.
Now, nakikita kong mas madami pala syang good traits keas dun sa bad.

He love his family morethan anything else in this world. My God.... ngayon k lang po narealized. TYhank you Lord dahil you let me see the right path na hindi pa komplikado ang sitwasyon.

Nabaguk yata ang head ko tonight, Ni hindi ko pa natatapos i-review yung mga pinagdaanan ko for six months with the other man in cyberworld through my documented feelings ay nasasaktan na ako for my husband. Shiiittttttt!!!! Ang lupittt ko pala....

Me as Cyberman's girl

(this article is still part of the series tHAT I'm going to publish here. I feel uneasy reading this again? Hayyy... naunsa diay ko ani? Katingalahan!!!) Hilassss kaayo


In this picture I was sad. You know why? Because I was a jealous and insecure person at that time when I shot this. I was so selfish that I was only thinking of my own happiness. I totally forgot that my bebek is also a human. Like me, he had feelings as well.
(I am glad that I have realized to get this mood away from me.)


I used to be very possessive, jealous, domineering and controlling to my bebek.
I am fortunate that he is not that type instead he would comfort and assured me every time
that I am the only woman he loves!
Hmmm..... see how pretty I am?
He is making me a happy and beautiful person inside and out.

That is why I am very scared to hurt him and make him sad.
So beginning yesterday I have decided to be independent from him.
Trust seems to be very important to Spiderdad.
I have failed him in that area and made him sad many many times.

I also keeps on bothering him.
Sending him letters and letters and lots of letters in a day.
Ohhh, see I was a bad and very immature girlfriend.
That I realized only today.

Indeed, I am so lucky to have him.
Today he find me strong.
He said He was worried.
I am confused?
Really.

I hope that by giving him trust and freedom
he would still love me the way he is giving me love.
i could not asked for more.
He is giving me the best love one could ever have.

I thank him for really giving a big difference in my life.
I learned many things from him.
Today I was really trying not to sent him anything in his e-mails and YM
I may disturb him in his work
He also has his own life
As I should also be busy in my life here.

I must always remember that our love-time is during our vacant time in a day. My mornings and his evenings.

Watch my picture here.
I am happy today because I am no longer insecure.

Murat deserves to be trusted.

If he is sad, I will also be sad.

When he smiles at me every morning..... I realized how much joy it brings to my heart.

Hmmmm.... I really love him!!! Like duh!!!!

Loving will make you look good and sexy. So why dont you love?





Posted by wITChy Boop at 9:25 PM

1 comment:

spiderman said...

nice words baby..
ı lıke when you jealous me baby
really..
ı lıke when you worry at me..so that is a sign for to attach importance..
ı lıke every all them because you esteem me
really ı lıke so much
muck..thnaks again for loving me

Different Emotions

Letting go

(I wrote this article 4 months ago when I was still in the verge of deciding to let go of my cyberman. Nakakatawa pala ako nun (i was so funny then)..... masyadong inlove. Grabee. But I remember that while writing this, my heart was so sad.
Since I am now already a new woman, back to normal, I decided to published some of my emotions documented during my lost-times.)

My heart can not afford to smile today
I will bear my sadness in my sleep
How could he be so cold?
What have I done?

If its the beginnng of our end
Then this is also the end of this Blog?
Will I say goodbye BettyBoop?
Will I say goodbye Spiderdad?

To all the memories
Will it stay?

I dont know
I have seen the sadness in me.... felt it..... huge...empty....
Im in darkness now
I hope to see the light
soon...
soon...

Goodnight Lovi.
Goodnight to me.

I hope to sleep tight tonight.

Confession part 2

My son is always proud of me. I know and he is very sweet to make me feel that everyday.
When I was about to use the CR in the schoolcampus, I saw a 5 year old child crying inside. Her eyes were so scared and her shoulders were trembling...
I asked her what happened?
"Gibiyaan na mi sa akung mama...." (my mother left me already. She said while still crying.
I felt her pain.
Para akong nakuryente.

I can not imagine my son crying this way.
So helplessss....
So confuseeedddd
So..... lost!!!

I hugged the child then she hugged me back.
Then my son followed me pala.
He was behind me all this time and yet I did not know.
"XXXXX, your mommy is bad. My mommy? She is not bad." proudly declared by my son to her classmate XXXXXX.
Then the boy hugged the child after he give the girl his hanky.

I feel so guiltyy...
" Ako na lang mommy mo ha dito sa school..." I told her.

I wrapped my arms around her.
I still feel up tonow the neartbeat of the child.
Ang bilis bilis pero nung yakap ko na... unti-unti namang kumalma na..
And pati ang love that I felt for my cyberman... kumalma na rin.

That day was the most wonderful day in my life.
God send me angels to remind me that I am already happy.

Its not hard to let go.
Its not hard to be selfless.
My family needs me.
Above all, they love me 100 percent

Confession part 1

During the time when I felt like i dont love my husband, i cheated him. I was honestly inlove in my chatmate. I can not even believed that it is indeed possible to fall inlove with someone you just knew only in cyberworld.

Its been six months communicating with him everyday.
Six months of infidelity.
Six months of believing that I love this guy from the net
and that I am willing to give up everything for him including my son.

Oh my god......

I dont know my self anymore....
Cyberman occupied my worldddd....
I was so productive in my work
I was so inspired to always look good.
Positively, I really feel beautiful and attractive.
I gained back my confidence
and independence.

But during that time, I lost my love for my husband.
I tried gaining it back while I was still attached to my cyberman but
it did not work.
Of course, it wont work at all (obviously)

Every time my husband visits us here, I know he felt the difference.
I can always see the panic in his eyes...
and I was so bad....
I dont even care about his feelings...
All i know is that feel so cold with him.
He tried fixing up hid difficulties.
He even asked for forgiving him to all the pain he caused me.
I forgive him . I told him that.
And I honestly told him also thaT He lost me.
I can not give him my heart anymore.
He just keep quite. He knows me well. When I decide something , yun na talaga yun.
He just told me na sana its not yet too late for him.

Advices from my friends will definitely not work on me.
I was so blinded with my loVe for cyberman.
Oh my god.... I can not explain, but ours is different.
You know its hard to believe but we really love each other.
And I am happy, I am very happy... I am even willing to just die with him.

One day, there was an activity in my son's school.
I attended together with my 4 years old niece lingling.
I had with me my black revealing clothing wrap in my heeheee body (alangan!!).

My niece Lingling followed the color of my attire. Since I am curly, I dont usually comb my hair.... the kid followed it again.
My father was laughing and he told me that I AM lINGLING'S idol.
"Bitaw!!!" (yes!) the child proudly answer.
"pero si Tita mo, dili absenot sa class. Honor parati tapos goodgirl"(but your tita was an achiever in school, she was always present in claSS. aND She is always a goodgirl) said by my papa.
"good and bright girl sad ko oi?" proudly answered by Lingling.

I was a bit touched by how my father and my niece looks up to me.
If they only know ... I told my self while having a very deep sigh.

Smile

(When you)

If at times you feel you want to cry
And life seems such a trial
Above the clouds theres a bright blue sky
So make your tears a smile.

As you travel on lifes way
With its many ups and downs
Remember its quite true to say
One smile is worth a dozen frowns.

Among the worlds expensive things
A smile is very cheap
And when you give a smile away,
You get one back to keep.

Happiness comes at times to all
But sadness comes unbidden
And sometimes a few tears must fall
Among the laughter hidden.

So when friends have sadness on their face
And troubles round them piled
The world will seem a better place
And all because you smiled.

(and now when I)

My friends are here giving me a smile
A priceless smile that can not be found elsewhere
A smile that I have been longing for years
I am glad today I had them again

I am so complete because of them
My laughters are truthful and so sincere
and I just realized that I have now found
Th missing puzzle I have been looking for

Today

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever. There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did! And because I did I'm going to celebrate!


Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, the beautiful friendships, and, yes, even the hardships, because they have served to make me stronger.

I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy heart. I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts:

the morning dew,
the sun,

the clouds, the trees,

the flowers,

the birds.


Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.
Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people. I'll make someone smile. I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know.
Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because I know that tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!

Today, I will finally end my bitterness to my husband Ervien.
Today I will finally open my heart for a second chance.
I now realized after being drown for months that everyday can be the best days in my life and if it is not there, there is still tomorrow to look towards.
After all despite my difference and imperfections, Ervien still loves me.
For that reason alone, I was blessed more than enough.

Woman should know this

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she's content to leave behind....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a feeling of control over her destiny.



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself.



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship.. .


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally.. .



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

Metamorphosis

Confidence
Belief in myself
Knowledge of my worth
They were always there
Sleeping in a secret part of me
Protected from storms by guardian wings
Not strong enough to fly on their own.

Then
A hand reached down
From a gentle heart
Pulled the wings aside
With strong and loving arms drew me up
Smiling, awoke the parts of my sleeping self

Whispering
You are beautiful
Your words touch my soul
I know you can fly
The danger is gone
Let your heart and soul be free
It is now safe to be the person you are

Stretching
My wings were stiff
But soon gloriously full
I lifted my eyes upward
To a kind and smiling face
Fly where you must
Be confident in yourself and your worth

Heavenward
My mind took flight
Words flowed on the page
One wing slightly bent and torn
But I flew just the same
Then I heard a voice from afar
Callling out, "Please don't forget
To come back to me when your flight is done."

Untiring love

This is a true story that happened in Japan.
In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt pity, and at the same time he was curious. When he checked the nail, turns out, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.
What happened?
The lizard had survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!
So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing, and what and how it had been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came, appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth.

Ahh! He was stunned and at the same time, touched deeply. Another lizard had been feeding the stuck one for the past 10 years...

Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened with this tiny creature...
What can love do? It can do wonders! Love can perform miracles!
Just think about it; one lizard had been feeding the other one
untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.

If a small creature like a lizard can love like this...
just imagine how we can love if we try!

Si Bien

You could no longer seen to Bien's face that once he was an irritable child. After 2 months of not attending the theraphy, he seems to be okey. He now socializes very well with the other kids in the nieghborhood. He can now give tolerance to his cousins who sometimes can not help but annoy him.

Whenever he smiles now, there is a spark of pure joy in his eyes. I could not believed this either but I really thanked God for this wonderful gift.

We make fun whenever he thinks long. He never gets angry instead he would laughed with us.

Love and Madness

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, and vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do.
One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide and seek!"
All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed.
Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..."
As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding.
Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon...
Treason hid in a pile of garbage...
Fondness curled up between the clouds...and
Passion went to the centre of the earth....
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake... whilst
Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking.
And Madness continued to count: .... "seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."
By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.
Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..."
Just when Madness got to one hundred..... ....Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid.
And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of the earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love.
Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.
Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love and Love is hiding in the rose bush."
Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rosebush. Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.
Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.
Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have left you blind! How can I repair it?"
And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide."
And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

His heart bleeds

(while being so inlove with my cyberman, this was how I feel for my husband. I really am so bitchhh..)

When I told him honestly about my true feelings he told me that he is a changed person now. In a fair view, yes, indeed He is and still trying to be a better person. But its still the same, he had no time for us. He do not know how to manage it to make us feel loved. I am not honestly happy with him anymore though God knows I am trying so hard.

Im living with my parents now. Sila yung katulong ko sa pag aayos ng buhay ni BS. Di ko kakayanin sa Davao kasi mag-isa lang naman ako kahit dalawa pa kami ni Ervien.
Si Ervien if he reaaly wants to spend time, wala na dapat excuses. Sya na ang magkukusa. Pero ayun, aawayin o pakukunsenyahin ko pa minsan. Or i-dedemand ko talaga na every weekend dito sya.

Napagod na ako sa kare-reach out.
Living in my parent, sleeping in my old room, help me gain back my self confidence. The happy Lovielly na nawala since I joined the family of Mendoza.

Si BS nga di na rin sya namimiss. Satisfied na si BS sa presence ng mga brothers ko and Lolo nya, cousins and lola merly nya.

If you can only see him now? Wala kang makikitang trace na irritable child sya before. happy na ang kanyang aura. Masahin na syang bata

Nakakangiti, nakakabungisngis, nakikipaglaro at marunong na rin mag share.

His heart bleeds daw sa truth na sinabi ko but at least I'm honest.
My heart? It has bleed many many times already because of him. He knows that... infact he was so sorry for everything. Pero paano yan? Nasagad na yata ako.
and worst.... i feel so happy looking at him na nasasaktan. Naku po!! Ano na to?

Eight days after BS was Born

The day that we were advice to go out from the hospital, that was 5 days after BS was born, mommy told me that something was wrong ke BS. Obserbahan ko daw. I take note of it. Sinabihan ko si Ervien, pero sa sobrang kabaitan nga, tahimik lang sya, ni hindi man lang kumibo.

True enough, palaging nag je-jerk ang bata. So hindi na ako mapakali nun, kaya kinulit ko ng kinulit si Ervien na ipacheck-up na ito. naging sanhi pa nga ng away namin ulit. To discover lang na si mama pala ang nagasulsul sa kanya na kaartehan ko lang daw yun, at gastos na naman daw ang hanap ko.

What do you think would I feel? Kaartehan, kahit sya nakikita nya naman na nagajerk si BS. Normal lang daw yun sabi nilang mag-ina? Normal ba yung halos kada-oras may involuntary movement ang beybi?

Tapos ang kapal ng mukha ng mag-ina kasi gastos pa ang inisip na nanany ko naman ang nagbayad ng hospital bill ko na worth 28 thousand pesos. During the first day after an hour I gave birth to my son, nagparinig pa nag mama bakit nagprivate -private daw ako. Ano daw ang ibabayad ni Ervien. Napakawalang awa naman nito sa akin?

Siguro nga kasi di nya alam na parent ko ang magbabayad.

And so back to BS.

With or with out Erviens Approval, pinacheck -up ko si BS. Nag away pa kami bago sya sumama at umabsent sa office nya. Yun kulang pala ng calcium kailangang i hospital para malagyan ng calcium through dextrose. Wala pang oral intake ng calcium nun.

Ervien brought my newly born son sa ward.... nagulat ako.
Andaming mas may sakit na bata dun, di pa to nag iisip na baka mahawaan ang anak nya?After 5 minutes sa ward dumating ang nanay nya to confirm kung sa ward nga naadmit ang bata gaya yata ng pinag-usapan nila.

My heart bleeds many times sa ginagawa nng asawa ko but para lang di sya mainsulto, kinausap ko ang mommy na pakiusapan at pakiliwanagan si Ervien na delikado si BS dun.

Yun at nakinig din ang ending? Mommy ko rin ang nagbayad.

Im just so lucky to have my mom and my papa at that point of my life. They were my strength to fight para sa mag ama ko. Kay Bs na palaging naoospital at ke Ervien na walang desisyon at paninindigan.

Pwede nya akong saktan kapag napre-pressure ng nanay nya. Di nya lang kaya physically kasi ilalaban ko ng patayan ang karapatan ko. Ang tapang ko pagdating dyan. Eto lang yung mahirap, kapag Im alone with my son sa house, umiiyak na ako. Minsan kausap si mommy na parating nagpapatibay ng loob ko. So when Ervien gets home, okey na naman akong tingnan. But I have been hurting many times inside.

Ang nakakatawa pa during the hospitalization ni BS, Si Ervien told me na sabi daw ni mama vicky i-pull out na lang daw si BS sa hospital kasi nanguarta lang daw ang doctor. Grabeee away na naman kami. Of course bakit ko naman papayagan yun?

Emotionaly battered

Anim na taon din akong emotionally battered. Di nga lang halata kasi naman strong ang personality ko. Ayaw ko man siraan ang napakabait kong asawa pero siya ang naging dahilan ng mga pains ko.

Pero God knows na ipinaglaban ko yun.Ipinaglaban ko silang dalawa ni BS. An dami kong ginive-up ang masakit pa nun, pati yung tiwala ko sa sarili kong kakayahan nawala at nanghina rin. Ang lakas lang talaga ng love na naipundar ng family ko sa akin kaya until now, na-hold on ko pa to.

Ibinuhos ko ang buong pagkatao ko, maiparating lang sa kanya ng ilang ulit at ilang beses (kasali na doon yung mga bangayan namin tulad ng biakan ng timba sa loob ng banyo, ang pananakit nya sa akin tuwing naprepressure physically pero mas lalo na psychologically) na mali yun ginagawa nya. Nasasaktan na ako pero tila yata di pa rin nya ito naiintindihan.

Palagi syang may channel na inilalagay para lang mapagtakpan o magkaroon ng dahilang maiwasan ang responsibilidad nya sa akin bilang asawa at kay BS bilang ama. Minsan lang makipaglaro yan sa bata, ke dali pang magsawa, tahimik lang sa isang tabi, o di kaya matutulog o manonood ng DVD. Samantalang naghihintay naman kami ng anak nya sa kunting panahon na pwedeng ibigay sa amin. Form monday-Friday nasa work sya, gabi na kung umuwi kasi pinagsisilbihan pa nanay nya. Dun me oras sya eversince the day I got married to him and the next day I was married to him, nasa nanay nya siya nagsisilbi and until years of being together hanggang pagmulan na ito ng away namain.

Saturday, natutulog pa kami, andyuan na ang mama sinusundo sya sabay pasaring na maghahanap buhay sila ng anak nya. So sa pagkakaintindi ko para sa amin. Sunday, syempre pagod na yung tao. Ultimo pagsisimba , minsan lang magawa. pag gising kakain, aalagaan ko, pagsisilbihan ko kahit we are both earning for the family.

Yung attention bilang asawa at attention bilang anak para ke BS kapos kami nun. Ako ang pumuno ke BS. Kesohodang 1 week ako absent basta everytime na on-field ako at di kasama ng ilang liggo ang anak ko, asahan mong aabsent ako nyan to fill the attention and love na di ko naibigay ke BS. Yun di nya maintindihan. para sa kanya, pera ang kalingan. Perang di naman nya kayang ibigay when BS needs it. Perang uutangin pa nya sa nanay nya, at me interest pa para ibayad sa doctor, gamot at etc. ng anak nya.

Naisip ko nga, asan na yung saturdays and other holidays na pagsisilbi nya sa farm nila kung in times of need nanay ko pa ang magpapadala ng pera pang hospital ng anak namin ant pang gamot?
Ano yun? sinayang sa panahon?
ano yun pagmamahal?

Ang suwerte lang ni Ervien, kasi ang galing ng PR ko sa kanya.
Ang bait at ang bango nya sa mga kamag-anak at kaibigan ko.
Na ang dating ba kapag naghiwalay kami, eh ako pa yung nagkulang.
Samantalang ako naman yung nagbigay ng sobra-sobra.
Sobra-sobrang di man lang na-appreciate.
Sobra-sobrang love na hindoi desrving yung love na sinasabi nya for me.

Hey !!!

Next to Andy G. Lee Dong Wook keeps me young and sexy. hehehehe

Everything in my life is doing good.
My son finally recovered from his trauma.
I already have a good relation to my mother-inlaw who have caused us lot of pains and adjustments as a couple but certainly made me and Ervien a better person.
I just gained my self confidence that was lost during my lawschool days in Ateneo and
I also gained my morale as a person na medyo tinapaktakan noong nasa SMICZMP pa ako nagwo-work.

But I have lost one very important feelings that I should still have in me.
I lost my love for Ervien.
As to why I lost it, he knows already.

Three days after our 6 years wedding anniversary, we have talked about it.
In fairness to me, he knows the reason why I have lost it.
He blames himself and he asked for anotjher chance to show me how much he loves me.

There was no third party on my part. Talagang ganun, na after ko ipaglaban at iayos lahat lahat sa buhay naming tatlo....bigla na lang nawala.
Napagod na yata ako. Ewan ko bah!
Mabait naman si Ervien bilang tao, kaibigan, ama, asawa, anak.

I should be happy dapat kasi God is always good to us.

Kung pwede lang sana

From the house of TK

Kung_Pwede_Lang.mp...

Andy Garcia knocks me off my feet....

(The photos shown above were my funny facial reaction while watching the video)

My Bestfriend Eves published this video for me.
I was waiting for some words to appear in my brain but I am still empty or really I have nothing to say. Many years ago, I was inlove with this man. Dapat ang lalaking mamahalin o magugustuhan ko kamukha nya. Aba... nakakaluka talaga. May natagpuan din naman ako.... sayang nga lang kasi nung medyo malapit ko ng mapasagot, nag-away pa kami dahil sa school politics. Tsk.tsk.tsk. Kung di ukol talagang di bubukol. Buti naman dahil kung hindi siguro I wont be this happy with the man I married. Di man sya kamukha ni Andy G., ka-version naman nya si Jack Black. Nyahahaha! Love you Dad!

I was watching this video yesterday and today and maybe even the day after tomorrow. I have long forgotten how he became part of my 'younger years'. Mga ten years na rin yata na hindi ko naiisip ang ugok na ito. That is why I was so engrossed sa iya nga video. (Animal gyud ayu ning akong besfren oi. I love you Bes! )

In any event, words may not appeared on this page,but my urged to really document my feelings for him wont disappoint my readers.

Oh how i love every angle of this man...

Click this:" Sharp Dressed Man"...

Idol ko si Juday!!

Pasensyahan na hane? Idol ko lang po kasi si Juday kaya magpapa-topless drama din byuti ko.... hehehehe

I like the way it was edited

This made me cry even without understanding the words...
The look in thier eyes and thier facial expression says it all

Baba Mahzuni

From my new friend who is my partner in an online study for turkish language MURAT KAYA.

KCC Incident

As I was walking in KCC near the stall of HBC, I was intensely looking to a certain guy who's move looks very familiar even the way he laid eyes on me. While looking at him my mind was drifting where did I met him. I honestly don’t remember the guy and while my brainpower was so busy retaining some information about him he was already bumping me in my right side going out to KCC. He then smiled surprisingly and got my hand and it was already too late for he was shaking and holding it gently.

Mon: Sisi ka na for dumping me no?

He said while showing me his white sparkling teeth. He is very tall that I still have to move my head upward.

Me to my self: How come I have lapse in memory trying to remember who he has been in my life? He was my ex , unsa bah!

Me to him: Halaka! Sir Sorry talaga but I really don’t know you.

Mon : Lovely, its been so long, don’t kid uy. Coffee sa ta.

Me to him: Sir you have mistaken me for somebody. Di po ako si Lovely, si Juday po ito.

Then I walked away elegantly. Ignoring him really. When I looked back a few steps he was still looking patently to me. Since he caught me watching him, I smiled back as he smiled and waived goodbye to me gently. I almost want to spank my self for looking back.

I saw his lips smiling like the way he used to do ages ago when he finds me amusing.

Ngano ka ha? I wonder.

Mao diay, I remember how crazy I was for Judyann Santos when we were still together. I could afford canceling our dates, planting some cutting classes jobs everytime Juday's movie is shown on its first day.

This brings me to write my first Sonnet.

Eww!!! di ko muna i-published today... di ko pa feel

Hidden talent

Your hidden talent is lying You are able to lie to anyone and get away with it. Sometimes you even do it for fun. You are specifically skilled at acting and bluffing during poker. And you know that to be a good liar you should give lots of details, to be a great one you give no details at all. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Grabee....
I just realized how lying been a part of me.
Nakks.... di pala ako pwedeng maging saint.
Gezzzz.....
Sige na nga.. magpapakacreative writer na lang ako!!!