Insecurities will kill your being
It won't help you in any way
but sometimes I honestly felt it
and when I do I just disregard the feelings.
My friend Gladys asked me how I deal with it.
I don't wanna sound right but I just told her not to think about the
person who makes you feel that way.
Ignore ....ignore.... ignore....
"It's too hard..." she said
and yes she is right.
Do you think I could ignore those who would made me feel that way?
"Ignore your face! Hah!!!"
I forgive but I get even first.

The most kataw-anan nga text I have ever received.

Gladys: Loves help!
Loves: nya... unsa na sad diay na? Nainlove na pud ka sa laing laki?
Gladys: No way! tabangi ko beh...unsa diay ang first aid sa kaspa?
Loves: Hahahahahahaha ngano diay kinsay gikaspa
Gladys: Ako uuyyy.... ambot nganu.
Loves: Try lang gud nudnuri ug kalamansi

She sends me sms after 5 minutes
Gladys: Yateee... loves! Kahapdos....

As in my god, nakatawa gyud ko pagmaayo!

I work at night for the following reasons.
Bien could have my time when he studies before going to sleep. We can talk about his activities in school and everything he encounters during the day. I can work better kasi walang mangugulong pamangkin,kaibigan at iba pang tao. The phone calls, the sounds of the door that knocks my room irritates my mood to work.

So it is the most comfortable time for me to work.

My only problem is that when working, I eat... lots of food that I craved. Nakakainis. I've been watching my food since birth, napapagod na nga ako. My friend Gladys told me that if she only have my figure okey na sya. But honestly, ang hirap talagang makuntento ano? kasi naman gusto kong lumiit at pumayat na katulad ni Joan at Eves. I still have hopes. Loads of it.... papayat rin akong katulad nila. As in super skinny thin.

Sensitive
Changeable mind
Curious
Inquisitive
Immature
Childish
Loving
Sharing
Joyfull
Carefree
but....
but....
When hurt
she will kill
When sad she will cry
When alone she will reach out
because happiness is a decision
And she decided to be happy to screw those people who makes her sad
and to protect the
People who loves her
and even to the those that let her down
She will always rise...
and will try to survive
against all obstacle
against all odds
you know why?
because she is a woman.

How do I manage my stress nowadays?

To manage my family, I must take care of my self first. I go to gym almost everyday and sometimes pamper my self with lots of books (filipino and foreign authors~ and I splurged buying them ng pakyawan. So what I do is that I have my list and knows what to buy already.
One thing that my mom would hate to see. She will tell me na sa dami ng naghihirap sa mundo how can I be insensitive. I will answer her naman na Mom naghihirap din ako but I just cant afford not to have these. I've been working hard for these books Mom.
She'll know when to give up. Alam nya that she could never win debating to me sa ganitong topic. GHoosH....
Eeeee!!!! (napasigaw lang po.)
I'm still overwhelmed by Martha Cecilia's tagalog romance novel. Pinakyaw ko kaya lahat ng Kristine Series nya kaya napasimangot na si Mommy. Some were already forwarded to my ganggang Jei. Jei find it mushy to read them.... but.... it do makes me happy as in super happy kasi until now I'm still imagining the characters! Nainlove tuloy ako ulit.
With Paulo Coelho's book naman is different. Of course I love him thats why I have a complete copy of his books. Iba naman yung dating ni Paulo, I'm learning from his words. With Martha's book, she simply makes me smile all day. Hayyy.... that's what makes me young.
So how do I managed my stress?
'la lang, gawin ko lang ko lang talaga what would make me happy. basta ba hindi ako nakakaapak ng iba. Bakit ko naman pipigilang maging masaya.
Si Mommy talaga, dami pang sinabi, napaemote tuloy ako.
Hmm... makabasa na nga uli.

Unsaon man sa pagpunit

Sa akong damgo nga nawinggit

Kalami ba laparuhon sa kapalaran

Gwapa man unta ko

Talented pa gyud kaayo

Unya nganu kalisud dakpun

Sa akong mga damgo

Kanus-a pa man gyud ka ha ko mahimong artista?

Hayyysss…maskin na lang unta to’g kuntrabida

Kagu-ol

(Salamat usab sa ariyus Jo.... ganahan man ko sa tanan mao dili na lang nako ibaligya. Tan-awa ayyy...aku nang gisuot ang pinka ganahan nako. Naibog ang maestra ni Bien, palitun unta niya pero wahh..di ko oi.,..ganahan ko ani no?)

GiRlFrIeNd ~ a tag from bes

It hits me! I was reminded of the bestfriends I have made all through my 30 years. Some are gone, missing, but not forgotten and the others remain. Thank you Bes for this touching tag. Wondrous....wondroussss...

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another, 'Let's fight together,'
Another, 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier, Another the wind beneath your wings.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several...
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.
So whether they've been your friend for 20 minutes or 20 years,
AND ONLY IF YOU'D LIKE TO,
Pass this on to the women who has a place in your life/lives.....
I'd like to tag my girlfriends Jei and Lae. Mwahhhh...

Letting your child be....

What can I do as to let my son be himself? Perhaps it is by not planning too much for him but standing back and getting to know him more. Everyday there is always something new in him. My mom told me that I may not even noticed it but I am becoming a push-over mommy to Bien and I would say "Huh? Impossible!"

Actually Mom is right. Baka nga di ko lang napapansin. Masyado akong naprapraning na top 15 lang sya. Di yata ako mapalagay doon na sa totoo lang as if yun na lang ba talaga ang importante. I should have known na I am only here to guide and protect him and to help him map out his life and personality. Hindi para diktahan sya at i-hulma sa kung anung klaseng tao ko sya gustong maging.

I am proud of him but I am honestly getting too much. Too much because when I scolded him yesterday I said something that also surprised me. My baby was hurt. He cried silently and it breaks my heart. I regret it. Bumabawi nga ako today. I should not let him doubt that he's loved~ simply for being himself.

Today I just got home from school having all the test results of my son together with my brother Darwin who also had the test-result of her daughter Lean. Lean's test result is simply horrible. As in! But as soon as my niece approached his Dad, he said "Lean, we're very proud of you, you did very well!" Lean smiled back at him happily.
You see what I learned here?
SOME THINGS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN OUR OWN STANDARDS AND GOAL.
Tangee talaga ako minsan. Kelangan ko raw manood ng "SIS" ng GMA pahabol ng mommy ko.

I also have a version of your bird flocking article Bes!
Maybe that day we have the same thought (assuming nga parehas ang petsa sa atung huna huna~ hahaha keya lang ako ay naglalakad pauwi samantalang nakaupo ka naman at nagmumuni-muni... Nakkssss para kanino keyaaa>>>)

Yung mga ibon parang they're keeping their company. One day, let's be like them, I miss spending my whole day and whole night with you Besfren. The Matina and Dacoville bonding~~~ hayyyy ang sarappp.

I'm honestly feeling bad today having learned that from top 1 in the first grading, he is now in the 15th.
Wow. I hate this feeling. Only the feeling. It's not nice.
I love my son all the more now. It is not him that disappoints me but my self. I just realized what a pushy mom I am to him. Sobss...
I expected too much from Bien . All this time, I have expected too much from him. Kawawa naman pala siya, it is hard pa naman to live up in the expectations espcially coming from the people you love the most. I must have knew it because I've been there in that situations many times in the past.
In the past grading, I was not so strict and so focus on him. I just let him do his thing. I could see the difference. The playful Bien who tends to prioritize computer games and playing and the Bien who would wake up early and do his schoolworks. I would rather wanna see the two Bien. The playful one and the responsible kid. He must now learn the value of time management.Kelangan ko na yatang ituro yun at his age now.
In one of our talks today he told me that all his scores were because of his poor concentration in the class. He can not help to talk with his classmates, play during activity time, and not just listening. He laid to me his new plans and schedule on how to cope up. And I said to myself " Ayy...kawawa naman. Alam pala niya ang kanyang pagkakamali."
I tried to be cool in front of him. Assuring him that things are all the same. Okey lang. Kasi baka kako pag nakita nyang sad ako, he will feel more sadder.
He was smiling at me when I was about to left him inside the classroom when he calls my name.
"Mom!"
"Oh, why? You go back to your chair now."
"Mom. I'm happy."
"Bakit" I asked him
"Kasi your a good mom. Di mo ako pinapababayaan." He added.
Hala ka oiiist.... I feel like crying. Kasi I'm actually disappointed. Itinago ko lang sa kanya."
"Syempre.... you are my son. Kung ano lang yung kaya mo, doon lang tayo." I told him.
"Kaya ko yang lahat Mom. Kaya ko talaga." He answered smiling.
"Oo naman. Sige na, balik na sa chair."

I feel better.
Why would asked for more?

To be with someone you love is something that makes you a complete person though sometimes there are misunderstandings yet at the end of the day both of you tried to tidy things up.
Today my whole family spent quality time on a beach.
My Dad even in his busiest schedule makes our holiday purfecct!!!
We started our day at 6:00 am and we got back home (from the beach eyyy...) at around 1:00 pm.
Bien was so tired so he was sleeping the whole day. Ervien and I spend an hours watching SOP (an afternoon program of Channel 7-GMA). We just missed doing simple things like this ...just like old times when we were still single and just u'know being so comfortable doing nothing together.
Not that because we are more happier before but things are different right now. Iba na ang takbo ng utak.... future-oriented na kumbaga. So Dad's work in the other city is just a part of the sacrifices. Sacrifice because Bien is growing up without Dad in his side every day. Though the kid naman is smart enough to understand the situation.
Well going back to the watching TV moment namin together~~~ We do appreciate the show SOP. Kaming dalawa ni Dad kasi for us halos lahat yata ng talent eh total performer. They know how to sing and dance. It is like watching a concert on TV. The great part of that show yesterday was when Jolina and her other companions were singing. Pati si hubby na-impressed. Oo nga, hindi nga kumupas si Jolins. hehehehe...~~~ syensya na sa kababawan. I also like the show because 80's 'yung fashion na isinusuot nila dun and that includes the music that they were singing.
Anything about 80's brings me back my happy childhood and teenage years.

Witchy-earings

I love them all. If there's one thing I always wear going out.... well, these kind of earings. I wonder how Joan perfectly knew my taste. ~~~with a big grin face~~~
Once again Jo, salamat talaga. One day, I will be there to visit you and Judith lalo na siguro kapag andyan na si besfren Eves.
This picture is for Lae. Mali lang 'yung date ng dig cam ko kasi di ko pa naadjust~hehee~~ Now you will know bakit witchy....hihihi!

Thanks for the witchy-like earings Joan and to the rice milk creams you've sent me from Thailand. I like them so muchhh....
wish I was there with you and Evelyn during your visit in Davao.
Sobbsssss..... di nagkatugma ang schedule natin.
but here are my kissesss Jo.... muwahhhh.....
I am 100 percent satisfied with my goodiesss!!!!

Disqualified

Brandon: Makainis ka man Bien. We were disqualified again because of you. Dapat kasi frog jumping ang ginawa mo. Tuloy talo tayo.

Bien: What? (ee pinalaki pa ang mata habang nakatitig sa nanunumbat na si Brandon)
T-rex jumping yung ginawa ko oi. I was so fast,can't you see.

Brandon: (Nakangiti na) Di naman na-follow yung instruction kaya disqualified tayo.

Bien: Hayy... anu ba yan! (Dahan -dahan na medyo may diin ang boses nyang sagot na para bang siya ang leader ng mga sigang bata sa kanto ~hihihi) Bakit kasi may instruction pa (pagigil nyang sinabi).

At eto ang reaksiyun ko.

Haaaaa.... maka-shockk kasi parang ako pala itong batang ito. Inis sa instructions. Di sumusunod sa eksaktong rules. Amazing talaga. Sometimes you could see your self to the little ones. Kawawa pala tingnan yung mga taong me sariling mundo tulad ko. Ahahahahaha
So wat? Cocow~nut?
But seriously, I've got some working to do. Di puwedeng mamana ni Bien ang ugaling yan sa akin.
He must be like his Dad. I'm proud to say na talagang obedient at pasensyoso sa mga rules and regulations ang Daddy~ ang layo ko kaya sa kanya. Wala po akong pasensya~ nakaka-guilty naman na ito yung nakikita ni Bien na ugali ko... Nyaaayyy~~~ di pwede ~~~ di talaga pwedee kaya kelangan kong magbago.

It was long ago when I've seen my self sleeping in bed. I realized that having a soul is true. My being nocturnal started there. I've always been scared to sleep but human as I am~ I have no choice but satiate my needs. I sleep.
In the middle of the night I felt so hungry and decided to sneak around the kitchen~ find something to eat. Suddenly, when I looked at my bed, I saw my self still sleeping. It surprised me! Thrilled all my senses (and so, the soul has still a feeling huh? I wonder.) I closed my eyes and concentrated on my willingness to go back to my body. I prayed so hard because I still wanted to live. I know that if I can't come back, it will be the end of my life. And there, when I opened my eyes, I'm in my fleshy sexy (~~) body again.
It could only be a dream. . .
Who knows?
But I believed it is more than a dream. I know it happens.

One time when Daddy asked me if I only spend 2 hours sleeping all day
I just ignored him and shrugged my shoulder. Napansin nya pala.

So in my solitary nights, I have my books to accompany me. My music. My PC. And my movies.

Actually this was the first time where I could not help my son.
I was just only an onlooker. Highly prohibited to be available anytime he needed me.
It was only himself that was there to depend on.
Exaggerated maybe but it was like watching a horror film seeing my son walking in the rope tied up in a 10 feet high trees. Nanlamig ako and I found my self cheering him like big fan of Bien (actually, I am a fan)“Go Bien Go!!!

The One

When I attended the parental meeting last time the teacher told me lots of funny thing Bien had done during the class. I really had fun hearing those things and imagine how excited I am to blog all those.

Here's one:

The lesson was all about how to save the Pasig River. Bien raised his right hand and answered the question on how is he going to save the river.

Bien: Teacher, I will gather all my friends like Vincent (then he look at where Vincent is)
the good one, he added, Brandon the smart one, Cammille ( while smiling and watching
the girl) my girlfriend, my only one and Gypsy, the fat one ( the class were all laughing
when he mentioned the name of Gypsy like the way they giggles when he said the
Cammille is his one and only) to clean the Pasig River.

Teacher: Very good Bien. You were able to use some adjectives in your answer. What about
you? What can you say about your self ?

Bien: Me? I'm the one.... (he said that daw proudly)

Sangkatirbang trabaho ang ginagawa ko these days that I could not even afford to spend time blogging. Hays... para naman akong nagpapayaman nito palagi~~~ dyuske..sana nga magkatotoo. Anyways, di naman dahil sa napaka materyoso kong tao kundi wala lang~~ what if one day eh yumaman talaga ako nO? Anu kaya ang bibilhin ko? Siguro kung magpapakanoble ako, hmmm... me pagkakabusyhan akung charity, pero kung mapapakabad naman ako, i-mamadyung ko na lang ang subra subra kong pera~ hehehehe~ anu ba tong naiisip ko~ ansama!!!!
Ah ewan, wala lang akong maisip. Hmp!
My friend Matet lumipad na pajapan the other week. Yun iniexpect ko na kasi we just have a sayonara party before she left. Itong lipad naman ni Daisy, yung other friend ko pa-Dubai...yun doon ako medyo nagulat. Di ko kasi alam. Kung di ko pa naopen ang email ko today, nakuuu di ko malalaman. Ang lungkot kasi unti-unti ng nagsipaglabasan yung ibang mga friends ko pati pala yung di ko paburitong brother~ nagmigrate na rin sa Canada. Malungkot nga ang mommy. Malayo na sila.
Kwento ko lang, I've never been close to my brother. Ewan kung bakit basta mutual yung feelings namin. We dont have this LOVE thing foe each other. 3 days before he left the country he stayed in the house. Spending time ke mom and dad. He tried to talk to me, pero I just ignore him. Alam mo na, me history ng painful experience ako sa kanya. So I just treat him invincible. Nung paalis na sya, simple goodbyes lang. Ni hindi nga inihatid ng mom. My cousin Bimbim just hugged him and told him na mag-ingat. Wala akong na-feel. Kiber!
Two days after that, I saw my mom fixing the things left by my brother in his room. Nakita ko ang tears nya. She was crying. Booshiitt... napaiyakn tuloy ako.
"Mommy anu ka ba, ba't iiyak-iyak ka dyan?"
"Na-miss ko bigla si Erwin eh." My mom replied
"Ang corny-corny mo." sabi ko uli sa kanya sabay hug.
"Huwag ka na kasing mag-ayos ng gamit nya."
Pinagpatuloy ng mommy ang pag-aayos.
I know she wanted to be alone and so I left her crying.

Sad no? Iba talaga ang ina.

Paano kaya kung kami naman ang aalis?
Kalungkot siguro.......
Pero alam nyo, I'm so excited to leave the country.

Will of the wind

My best friend Evelyn knows how much I abhorred Jolina Magdangal during “Ang TV” years and even during the existence of our college blues. It worried me when all her movies get in to a box office hit. I hated her fashion, acting, performance and everything and anything about her. As you all know, I am a 100 percent Judayday fanatic and it happens that she was her rival so for an obvious reason, you know why I dislike her.

Through all these years, I’ve seen her growing up, kasabayan pa nga yata natin eh. Until my mom told me na napakabait at napakabuting anak yang si Jolina parang si Juday din. Oo nga naman. Napagtanto ko rin. But that was all about her. Nakalimutan ko na si Jolina after that talk from Mom except ke Juday. Still, Lovi’s tradition of watching judayday’s movie on it’s first day and first hour of the showing date ay di pa rin namamatay until now.

It was the Korean telenovela KimSamSoon aired in GMA7 that I truly became Jolina’s fan. I didn’t knew that she was the one pala singing the themesong until my best friend told me na si Jolina nga ang singer while we were having a snack in SM City Davao some years ago. I could still remember the smile in my bestfriend’s face. Unbelieving nga giganahan na diay kong Jolens. I feel inlove with the song “Maybe it’s you” and also fall in love with the one who’s singing it. I even bought the album !

Her new MTV from the movie ITALY captures me just today while watching the midnight news. Nyee…… fan na gyud diay kong Jolina. Maybe its because I’ve seen her working with Juday in Quija movie and aside from that she is really oozing with talent.

I’d like to dedicate this new song from Jolens to my bestfriend Eves. Katulad din ‘nung Maybe it’s you na awitin Bes na ikaw kaagad-agad ang unang taong sumagi sa isipan ko while watching the film. Di ko alam kung bakit. Connected kaya? Hehehe
Love you bes, paramdam ka naman.
Nawalan na rin ako ng gana sa blogging after you signed off.
But I stayed for Jayvee and Joan.
~~Sobs~~


My love for my best friend is a mystery.
It’s always coming and it doesn’t goes.
I long for our old good and bad times Bes.
I wish to see you again.
‘kainis Bes… na-miss na talaga kita ng sobra.
I was actually crying while listening to Jolina’s song.
Lukaret, na-miss mo rin kaya ako?

I'm still overwhelmed with Hillary's wit. Aw, she got me!