Smile

(When you)

If at times you feel you want to cry
And life seems such a trial
Above the clouds theres a bright blue sky
So make your tears a smile.

As you travel on lifes way
With its many ups and downs
Remember its quite true to say
One smile is worth a dozen frowns.

Among the worlds expensive things
A smile is very cheap
And when you give a smile away,
You get one back to keep.

Happiness comes at times to all
But sadness comes unbidden
And sometimes a few tears must fall
Among the laughter hidden.

So when friends have sadness on their face
And troubles round them piled
The world will seem a better place
And all because you smiled.

(and now when I)

My friends are here giving me a smile
A priceless smile that can not be found elsewhere
A smile that I have been longing for years
I am glad today I had them again

I am so complete because of them
My laughters are truthful and so sincere
and I just realized that I have now found
Th missing puzzle I have been looking for

Today

Today, when I awoke, I suddenly realized that this is the best day of my life, ever. There were times when I wondered if I would make it to today; but I did! And because I did I'm going to celebrate!


Today, I'm going to celebrate what an unbelievable life I have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, the beautiful friendships, and, yes, even the hardships, because they have served to make me stronger.

I will go through this day with my head held high and a happy heart. I will marvel at God's seemingly simple gifts:

the morning dew,
the sun,

the clouds, the trees,

the flowers,

the birds.


Today, none of these miraculous creations will escape my notice.
Today, I will share my excitement for life with other people. I'll make someone smile. I'll go out of my way to perform an unexpected act of kindness for someone I don't even know.
Today, I'll give a sincere compliment to someone who seems down. I'll tell a child how special he is, and I'll tell someone I love just how deeply I care for them and how much they mean to me.

Today is the day I quit worrying about what I don't have and start being grateful for all the wonderful things God has already given me. I'll remember that to worry is just a waste of time because my faith in God and his Divine Plan ensures everything will be just fine.

And tonight, before I go to bed, I'll go outside and raise my eyes to the heavens. I will stand in awe at the beauty of the stars and the moon, and I will praise God for these magnificent treasures.

As the day ends and I lay my head down on my pillow, I will thank the Almighty for the best day of my life. And I will sleep the sleep of a contented child, excited with expectation because I know that tomorrow is going to be the best day of my life, ever!

Today, I will finally end my bitterness to my husband Ervien.
Today I will finally open my heart for a second chance.
I now realized after being drown for months that everyday can be the best days in my life and if it is not there, there is still tomorrow to look towards.
After all despite my difference and imperfections, Ervien still loves me.
For that reason alone, I was blessed more than enough.

Woman should know this

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth she's content to leave behind....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .

one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...

a feeling of control over her destiny.



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to fall in love without losing herself.



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship.. .


EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..

whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally.. .



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

what she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...

Metamorphosis

Confidence
Belief in myself
Knowledge of my worth
They were always there
Sleeping in a secret part of me
Protected from storms by guardian wings
Not strong enough to fly on their own.

Then
A hand reached down
From a gentle heart
Pulled the wings aside
With strong and loving arms drew me up
Smiling, awoke the parts of my sleeping self

Whispering
You are beautiful
Your words touch my soul
I know you can fly
The danger is gone
Let your heart and soul be free
It is now safe to be the person you are

Stretching
My wings were stiff
But soon gloriously full
I lifted my eyes upward
To a kind and smiling face
Fly where you must
Be confident in yourself and your worth

Heavenward
My mind took flight
Words flowed on the page
One wing slightly bent and torn
But I flew just the same
Then I heard a voice from afar
Callling out, "Please don't forget
To come back to me when your flight is done."

Untiring love

This is a true story that happened in Japan.
In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt pity, and at the same time he was curious. When he checked the nail, turns out, it was nailed 10 years ago when the house was first built.
What happened?
The lizard had survived in such a position for 10 years! In a dark wall partition for 10 years without moving, it is impossible and mind boggling. Then he wondered how this lizard survived for 10 years without moving a single step--since its foot was nailed!
So he stopped his work and observed the lizard, what it had been doing, and what and how it had been eating. Later, not knowing from where it came, appeared another lizard, with food in its mouth.

Ahh! He was stunned and at the same time, touched deeply. Another lizard had been feeding the stuck one for the past 10 years...

Such love, such a beautiful love! Such love happened with this tiny creature...
What can love do? It can do wonders! Love can perform miracles!
Just think about it; one lizard had been feeding the other one
untiringly for 10 long years, without giving up hope on its partner.

If a small creature like a lizard can love like this...
just imagine how we can love if we try!

Si Bien

You could no longer seen to Bien's face that once he was an irritable child. After 2 months of not attending the theraphy, he seems to be okey. He now socializes very well with the other kids in the nieghborhood. He can now give tolerance to his cousins who sometimes can not help but annoy him.

Whenever he smiles now, there is a spark of pure joy in his eyes. I could not believed this either but I really thanked God for this wonderful gift.

We make fun whenever he thinks long. He never gets angry instead he would laughed with us.

Love and Madness

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on it for the first time, and vices floated around and were bored, not knowing what to do.
One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea: "Let's play hide and seek!"
All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted: "I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed.
Madness leaned against a tree and started to count: "One, two, three..."
As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding.
Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon...
Treason hid in a pile of garbage...
Fondness curled up between the clouds...and
Passion went to the centre of the earth....
Lie said that it would hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake... whilst
Avarice entered a sack that he ended up breaking.
And Madness continued to count: .... "seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..."
By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden - except Love. For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.
Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..."
Just when Madness got to one hundred..... ....Love jumped into a rose bush where he hid.
And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the centre of the earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love.
Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.
Envious of Love, Envy whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love and Love is hiding in the rose bush."
Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at the rosebush. Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made him stop.
Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.
Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's eyes with a pitch fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness shouted. "I have left you blind! How can I repair it?"
And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you want to do something for me, you can be my guide."
And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is always accompanied by Madness.

His heart bleeds

(while being so inlove with my cyberman, this was how I feel for my husband. I really am so bitchhh..)

When I told him honestly about my true feelings he told me that he is a changed person now. In a fair view, yes, indeed He is and still trying to be a better person. But its still the same, he had no time for us. He do not know how to manage it to make us feel loved. I am not honestly happy with him anymore though God knows I am trying so hard.

Im living with my parents now. Sila yung katulong ko sa pag aayos ng buhay ni BS. Di ko kakayanin sa Davao kasi mag-isa lang naman ako kahit dalawa pa kami ni Ervien.
Si Ervien if he reaaly wants to spend time, wala na dapat excuses. Sya na ang magkukusa. Pero ayun, aawayin o pakukunsenyahin ko pa minsan. Or i-dedemand ko talaga na every weekend dito sya.

Napagod na ako sa kare-reach out.
Living in my parent, sleeping in my old room, help me gain back my self confidence. The happy Lovielly na nawala since I joined the family of Mendoza.

Si BS nga di na rin sya namimiss. Satisfied na si BS sa presence ng mga brothers ko and Lolo nya, cousins and lola merly nya.

If you can only see him now? Wala kang makikitang trace na irritable child sya before. happy na ang kanyang aura. Masahin na syang bata

Nakakangiti, nakakabungisngis, nakikipaglaro at marunong na rin mag share.

His heart bleeds daw sa truth na sinabi ko but at least I'm honest.
My heart? It has bleed many many times already because of him. He knows that... infact he was so sorry for everything. Pero paano yan? Nasagad na yata ako.
and worst.... i feel so happy looking at him na nasasaktan. Naku po!! Ano na to?

Eight days after BS was Born

The day that we were advice to go out from the hospital, that was 5 days after BS was born, mommy told me that something was wrong ke BS. Obserbahan ko daw. I take note of it. Sinabihan ko si Ervien, pero sa sobrang kabaitan nga, tahimik lang sya, ni hindi man lang kumibo.

True enough, palaging nag je-jerk ang bata. So hindi na ako mapakali nun, kaya kinulit ko ng kinulit si Ervien na ipacheck-up na ito. naging sanhi pa nga ng away namin ulit. To discover lang na si mama pala ang nagasulsul sa kanya na kaartehan ko lang daw yun, at gastos na naman daw ang hanap ko.

What do you think would I feel? Kaartehan, kahit sya nakikita nya naman na nagajerk si BS. Normal lang daw yun sabi nilang mag-ina? Normal ba yung halos kada-oras may involuntary movement ang beybi?

Tapos ang kapal ng mukha ng mag-ina kasi gastos pa ang inisip na nanany ko naman ang nagbayad ng hospital bill ko na worth 28 thousand pesos. During the first day after an hour I gave birth to my son, nagparinig pa nag mama bakit nagprivate -private daw ako. Ano daw ang ibabayad ni Ervien. Napakawalang awa naman nito sa akin?

Siguro nga kasi di nya alam na parent ko ang magbabayad.

And so back to BS.

With or with out Erviens Approval, pinacheck -up ko si BS. Nag away pa kami bago sya sumama at umabsent sa office nya. Yun kulang pala ng calcium kailangang i hospital para malagyan ng calcium through dextrose. Wala pang oral intake ng calcium nun.

Ervien brought my newly born son sa ward.... nagulat ako.
Andaming mas may sakit na bata dun, di pa to nag iisip na baka mahawaan ang anak nya?After 5 minutes sa ward dumating ang nanay nya to confirm kung sa ward nga naadmit ang bata gaya yata ng pinag-usapan nila.

My heart bleeds many times sa ginagawa nng asawa ko but para lang di sya mainsulto, kinausap ko ang mommy na pakiusapan at pakiliwanagan si Ervien na delikado si BS dun.

Yun at nakinig din ang ending? Mommy ko rin ang nagbayad.

Im just so lucky to have my mom and my papa at that point of my life. They were my strength to fight para sa mag ama ko. Kay Bs na palaging naoospital at ke Ervien na walang desisyon at paninindigan.

Pwede nya akong saktan kapag napre-pressure ng nanay nya. Di nya lang kaya physically kasi ilalaban ko ng patayan ang karapatan ko. Ang tapang ko pagdating dyan. Eto lang yung mahirap, kapag Im alone with my son sa house, umiiyak na ako. Minsan kausap si mommy na parating nagpapatibay ng loob ko. So when Ervien gets home, okey na naman akong tingnan. But I have been hurting many times inside.

Ang nakakatawa pa during the hospitalization ni BS, Si Ervien told me na sabi daw ni mama vicky i-pull out na lang daw si BS sa hospital kasi nanguarta lang daw ang doctor. Grabeee away na naman kami. Of course bakit ko naman papayagan yun?

Emotionaly battered

Anim na taon din akong emotionally battered. Di nga lang halata kasi naman strong ang personality ko. Ayaw ko man siraan ang napakabait kong asawa pero siya ang naging dahilan ng mga pains ko.

Pero God knows na ipinaglaban ko yun.Ipinaglaban ko silang dalawa ni BS. An dami kong ginive-up ang masakit pa nun, pati yung tiwala ko sa sarili kong kakayahan nawala at nanghina rin. Ang lakas lang talaga ng love na naipundar ng family ko sa akin kaya until now, na-hold on ko pa to.

Ibinuhos ko ang buong pagkatao ko, maiparating lang sa kanya ng ilang ulit at ilang beses (kasali na doon yung mga bangayan namin tulad ng biakan ng timba sa loob ng banyo, ang pananakit nya sa akin tuwing naprepressure physically pero mas lalo na psychologically) na mali yun ginagawa nya. Nasasaktan na ako pero tila yata di pa rin nya ito naiintindihan.

Palagi syang may channel na inilalagay para lang mapagtakpan o magkaroon ng dahilang maiwasan ang responsibilidad nya sa akin bilang asawa at kay BS bilang ama. Minsan lang makipaglaro yan sa bata, ke dali pang magsawa, tahimik lang sa isang tabi, o di kaya matutulog o manonood ng DVD. Samantalang naghihintay naman kami ng anak nya sa kunting panahon na pwedeng ibigay sa amin. Form monday-Friday nasa work sya, gabi na kung umuwi kasi pinagsisilbihan pa nanay nya. Dun me oras sya eversince the day I got married to him and the next day I was married to him, nasa nanay nya siya nagsisilbi and until years of being together hanggang pagmulan na ito ng away namain.

Saturday, natutulog pa kami, andyuan na ang mama sinusundo sya sabay pasaring na maghahanap buhay sila ng anak nya. So sa pagkakaintindi ko para sa amin. Sunday, syempre pagod na yung tao. Ultimo pagsisimba , minsan lang magawa. pag gising kakain, aalagaan ko, pagsisilbihan ko kahit we are both earning for the family.

Yung attention bilang asawa at attention bilang anak para ke BS kapos kami nun. Ako ang pumuno ke BS. Kesohodang 1 week ako absent basta everytime na on-field ako at di kasama ng ilang liggo ang anak ko, asahan mong aabsent ako nyan to fill the attention and love na di ko naibigay ke BS. Yun di nya maintindihan. para sa kanya, pera ang kalingan. Perang di naman nya kayang ibigay when BS needs it. Perang uutangin pa nya sa nanay nya, at me interest pa para ibayad sa doctor, gamot at etc. ng anak nya.

Naisip ko nga, asan na yung saturdays and other holidays na pagsisilbi nya sa farm nila kung in times of need nanay ko pa ang magpapadala ng pera pang hospital ng anak namin ant pang gamot?
Ano yun? sinayang sa panahon?
ano yun pagmamahal?

Ang suwerte lang ni Ervien, kasi ang galing ng PR ko sa kanya.
Ang bait at ang bango nya sa mga kamag-anak at kaibigan ko.
Na ang dating ba kapag naghiwalay kami, eh ako pa yung nagkulang.
Samantalang ako naman yung nagbigay ng sobra-sobra.
Sobra-sobrang di man lang na-appreciate.
Sobra-sobrang love na hindoi desrving yung love na sinasabi nya for me.

Hey !!!

Next to Andy G. Lee Dong Wook keeps me young and sexy. hehehehe

Everything in my life is doing good.
My son finally recovered from his trauma.
I already have a good relation to my mother-inlaw who have caused us lot of pains and adjustments as a couple but certainly made me and Ervien a better person.
I just gained my self confidence that was lost during my lawschool days in Ateneo and
I also gained my morale as a person na medyo tinapaktakan noong nasa SMICZMP pa ako nagwo-work.

But I have lost one very important feelings that I should still have in me.
I lost my love for Ervien.
As to why I lost it, he knows already.

Three days after our 6 years wedding anniversary, we have talked about it.
In fairness to me, he knows the reason why I have lost it.
He blames himself and he asked for anotjher chance to show me how much he loves me.

There was no third party on my part. Talagang ganun, na after ko ipaglaban at iayos lahat lahat sa buhay naming tatlo....bigla na lang nawala.
Napagod na yata ako. Ewan ko bah!
Mabait naman si Ervien bilang tao, kaibigan, ama, asawa, anak.

I should be happy dapat kasi God is always good to us.

Kung pwede lang sana

From the house of TK

Kung_Pwede_Lang.mp...

Andy Garcia knocks me off my feet....

(The photos shown above were my funny facial reaction while watching the video)

My Bestfriend Eves published this video for me.
I was waiting for some words to appear in my brain but I am still empty or really I have nothing to say. Many years ago, I was inlove with this man. Dapat ang lalaking mamahalin o magugustuhan ko kamukha nya. Aba... nakakaluka talaga. May natagpuan din naman ako.... sayang nga lang kasi nung medyo malapit ko ng mapasagot, nag-away pa kami dahil sa school politics. Tsk.tsk.tsk. Kung di ukol talagang di bubukol. Buti naman dahil kung hindi siguro I wont be this happy with the man I married. Di man sya kamukha ni Andy G., ka-version naman nya si Jack Black. Nyahahaha! Love you Dad!

I was watching this video yesterday and today and maybe even the day after tomorrow. I have long forgotten how he became part of my 'younger years'. Mga ten years na rin yata na hindi ko naiisip ang ugok na ito. That is why I was so engrossed sa iya nga video. (Animal gyud ayu ning akong besfren oi. I love you Bes! )

In any event, words may not appeared on this page,but my urged to really document my feelings for him wont disappoint my readers.

Oh how i love every angle of this man...

Click this:" Sharp Dressed Man"...

Idol ko si Juday!!

Pasensyahan na hane? Idol ko lang po kasi si Juday kaya magpapa-topless drama din byuti ko.... hehehehe

I like the way it was edited

This made me cry even without understanding the words...
The look in thier eyes and thier facial expression says it all

Baba Mahzuni

From my new friend who is my partner in an online study for turkish language MURAT KAYA.

KCC Incident

As I was walking in KCC near the stall of HBC, I was intensely looking to a certain guy who's move looks very familiar even the way he laid eyes on me. While looking at him my mind was drifting where did I met him. I honestly don’t remember the guy and while my brainpower was so busy retaining some information about him he was already bumping me in my right side going out to KCC. He then smiled surprisingly and got my hand and it was already too late for he was shaking and holding it gently.

Mon: Sisi ka na for dumping me no?

He said while showing me his white sparkling teeth. He is very tall that I still have to move my head upward.

Me to my self: How come I have lapse in memory trying to remember who he has been in my life? He was my ex , unsa bah!

Me to him: Halaka! Sir Sorry talaga but I really don’t know you.

Mon : Lovely, its been so long, don’t kid uy. Coffee sa ta.

Me to him: Sir you have mistaken me for somebody. Di po ako si Lovely, si Juday po ito.

Then I walked away elegantly. Ignoring him really. When I looked back a few steps he was still looking patently to me. Since he caught me watching him, I smiled back as he smiled and waived goodbye to me gently. I almost want to spank my self for looking back.

I saw his lips smiling like the way he used to do ages ago when he finds me amusing.

Ngano ka ha? I wonder.

Mao diay, I remember how crazy I was for Judyann Santos when we were still together. I could afford canceling our dates, planting some cutting classes jobs everytime Juday's movie is shown on its first day.

This brings me to write my first Sonnet.

Eww!!! di ko muna i-published today... di ko pa feel

Hidden talent

Your hidden talent is lying You are able to lie to anyone and get away with it. Sometimes you even do it for fun. You are specifically skilled at acting and bluffing during poker. And you know that to be a good liar you should give lots of details, to be a great one you give no details at all. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Grabee....
I just realized how lying been a part of me.
Nakks.... di pala ako pwedeng maging saint.
Gezzzz.....
Sige na nga.. magpapakacreative writer na lang ako!!!

She whose name is Notting: juday for life

She whose name is Notting: juday for life



Basta ginanahan na ako na magbawas ng timbang.
Payat na si idol!!!!